in another 24 hours, i will be in the airport. 6 more hours to that, i will reach Philippines. add a day or so, i be enjoying the island, deep down under the sea, 18m and in the dark. thrilling. creatures of the dark and 18 m under. how many people could proudly claim that? ok. probably a lot. it will be the start of my journey. my true journey. since graduation, i always dream of being a freelancer, breaking the 9-5. not being a monkey in a cubicle prisoner. nimble limbs being shackled, with just 90 cm2 moving space. Earth, Terra, total surface area of 510,072,000 km2. The land surface area, even at a small percentage of 29.2%, makes up 148,940,000 km2. 148,940,000 km2 vs 90cm2. isn't it obvious what i will choose? when you confined yourself in a smaller area, you don't get yourself moving. if instead you were given even 10 km2, i believe you would just go wild.
13th to 18th. not exactly a long break just a short getaway. give myself time to rethink about my path. now, i am presented with this opportunity. To take it, i probably have to give up on my full 6 months travel in NZ. i'm still going even if it just a month. i'm still going to set up an earning blog. i'm still moving towards my dreams. i'm not giving up, just being spontaneous. thats the beauty of one way ticket. you don't give yourself deadlines, you don't give yourself any restrictions, you don't have to be stunned by changes. no, i am not over-glorifying things. i am looking into my account and shaking my head. however in the next few months, i am going to fill it in with perseverance and passion. two things at a time. call me greedy, call me insane but i will prove it to you guys that it works.
till then, i would just take this break to rethink about my journey. enjoy life and perhaps fall in love screaming, "Maganda Puerto Galera! Mahal kita"
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
a better organisation
i guess it is time that priorities shift.
i couldn't exchange more of my time for money anymore. i couldn't foresee myself down the road this way in the next few years. i have never been able to strive on uniformity. i could not survive under the hierarchy of organization. that much i know. to me, its just not ethical that the top dogs are earning all the money and paying the workers peanuts. its just like the scenario of those big companies setting up a base in the third world countries. its selfish, organisation like this. thats how everybody get trap in the poverty cycle, nobody could ever generate enough income to be self sustainable.
now that situation permits me to have a glimpse to a money spinning way, i have taken the leap. i have no idea if i will continue falling or be given solid ground to step on. perhaps, better still, i will be given wings. sometimes in life, we have to make a decision like this, to outperform ourselves. i have faith in myself that i will be able to achieve prosperity.
imagine having the financial power to do whatever you like. to achieve control. to reach retirement by the age of 30. i am still young, i got to fight it out. this is not just a greenhorn speaking out loud about life and its pipe dreams. its about youth, vigor and energy painting out a glamorous future. i hope this much determination could bring me to a greater height and making my parents proud. its possible.
i couldn't exchange more of my time for money anymore. i couldn't foresee myself down the road this way in the next few years. i have never been able to strive on uniformity. i could not survive under the hierarchy of organization. that much i know. to me, its just not ethical that the top dogs are earning all the money and paying the workers peanuts. its just like the scenario of those big companies setting up a base in the third world countries. its selfish, organisation like this. thats how everybody get trap in the poverty cycle, nobody could ever generate enough income to be self sustainable.
now that situation permits me to have a glimpse to a money spinning way, i have taken the leap. i have no idea if i will continue falling or be given solid ground to step on. perhaps, better still, i will be given wings. sometimes in life, we have to make a decision like this, to outperform ourselves. i have faith in myself that i will be able to achieve prosperity.
imagine having the financial power to do whatever you like. to achieve control. to reach retirement by the age of 30. i am still young, i got to fight it out. this is not just a greenhorn speaking out loud about life and its pipe dreams. its about youth, vigor and energy painting out a glamorous future. i hope this much determination could bring me to a greater height and making my parents proud. its possible.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
a little insight about motivation
they all came and realise it is is not that easy. of course it is not that easy. what do they expect life to be? without challenges, all so smooth flowing, that would be a bland life wouldn't it-everything going your way? there bound to be restrictions. brick walls are there to differentiate the ones who really want it from those that just simply hope they were lucky enough to pass through. no denial luck do play a part.
i am not going to stop here, facing this huge wall you place nonchalantly. bruises, cut and blood all over me. i have come this far. people are amazed, i know i can continue to push myself to a greater height. dreams are sacred but not esoteric. dreams are meant to be fulfilled and not forgotten in the silence of the day. so much i have said, but i still see regrets among others rising. everything, every decision, there is a lesson to be learned, there are no regrets, just detour in my life. long paths taken but i won't think about the road not tread. trail blazer, no perhaps not that unique. i just hate to follow suit.
people say i am motivated but little did they know how impress i am by their choice of lifestyle. to be able to survive in a monotonous dread, a mundane life. i would never be able to pull that off. an average human seeks for new expeiences. i really admire those who could live their days an exact replica to the other days. they are extraordinary.
if you do something you love, it just takes very little motivation as you are intrinsically driven. however, if you are doing something you hate, i believe it take more motivation as you feel dejected constantly. so now could you see who is the superhuman now? its actually the conformist themselves, with their steel will and mind. they have the strength to disagree and turn back from their inner self in order to receive adulation from others. i never find myself succumbing to that.
i have to confess. forgive me for being so weak. i couldn't resist my inner voice, or call it temptations if it makes you feel better. perhaps, i am motivate by selfishness. i am sorry.
i forgive myself, i hope you do too.
i am not going to stop here, facing this huge wall you place nonchalantly. bruises, cut and blood all over me. i have come this far. people are amazed, i know i can continue to push myself to a greater height. dreams are sacred but not esoteric. dreams are meant to be fulfilled and not forgotten in the silence of the day. so much i have said, but i still see regrets among others rising. everything, every decision, there is a lesson to be learned, there are no regrets, just detour in my life. long paths taken but i won't think about the road not tread. trail blazer, no perhaps not that unique. i just hate to follow suit.
people say i am motivated but little did they know how impress i am by their choice of lifestyle. to be able to survive in a monotonous dread, a mundane life. i would never be able to pull that off. an average human seeks for new expeiences. i really admire those who could live their days an exact replica to the other days. they are extraordinary.
if you do something you love, it just takes very little motivation as you are intrinsically driven. however, if you are doing something you hate, i believe it take more motivation as you feel dejected constantly. so now could you see who is the superhuman now? its actually the conformist themselves, with their steel will and mind. they have the strength to disagree and turn back from their inner self in order to receive adulation from others. i never find myself succumbing to that.
i have to confess. forgive me for being so weak. i couldn't resist my inner voice, or call it temptations if it makes you feel better. perhaps, i am motivate by selfishness. i am sorry.
i forgive myself, i hope you do too.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
this feel like in the valley of wrong.
ambling in the rain, i couldn't help but think how limp i have been. i couldn't be like the sun, scorching and harsh yet gentle and merciful at time. nor could i be the rain, thunderstorm, drizzle, hurricane; bringing flood, striking fear and cowering people. however they are still so much celebrated, irrigation, farming, drinking water, bringing life; look how the plants sway, rustling in tune with their life giver and how the flowers beam, dancing and flaunting their dresses.
forces of the nature, singing their song uniquely every single day, bestowing growth yet destroying life at the same time. destruction of old give rise to a newly born. this is how the universe operates to achieve balance. i should have learned earlier that this is the cycle of the world, i can't defy it. yet i felt rotten to feel this disintegration inside of me. under scrutiny, my very own, maybe harsh critic.
i am not backing away from everybody. this is just what it seems when i am following my dreams. to the light or even to the shadow, this is a pathway to no limitations. i don't wish to be abandoned, its just that i feel human are by nature forgetful. perhaps upon my return, i have only myself as my companion. no friends, no family, no love. i know how much i am sacrificing. trust me, i given it much thoughts, without sacrifice there can't come an achievement.
i just hope this phase of destruct passes soon.
emblazon on my name, the certainty to take flight.
forces of the nature, singing their song uniquely every single day, bestowing growth yet destroying life at the same time. destruction of old give rise to a newly born. this is how the universe operates to achieve balance. i should have learned earlier that this is the cycle of the world, i can't defy it. yet i felt rotten to feel this disintegration inside of me. under scrutiny, my very own, maybe harsh critic.
i am not backing away from everybody. this is just what it seems when i am following my dreams. to the light or even to the shadow, this is a pathway to no limitations. i don't wish to be abandoned, its just that i feel human are by nature forgetful. perhaps upon my return, i have only myself as my companion. no friends, no family, no love. i know how much i am sacrificing. trust me, i given it much thoughts, without sacrifice there can't come an achievement.
i just hope this phase of destruct passes soon.
emblazon on my name, the certainty to take flight.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
food (or cash) for thought
"Recently the Singapore Straits Times reported proudly : “SINGAPORE ranks fourth globally and second in Asia Pacific in terms of average personal wealth, according to the inaugural global wealth report by Credit Suisse Research.
Average wealth per adult in Singapore has grown strongly in the last decade, rising from US$105,000 (S$137,100) per adult to over US$250,000 in 2010, supported by a period of strong domestic economic growth and asset price increases.”(Oct 8th).
The caption, is to my mind, misleading, while the skimpy ST report conveniently ignores more vital information in the Credit Suisse Report about Singapore.
What the state media didn’t tell was the report mentions that only 3.6% of the surveyed population (4 million Singaporeans &PRs) are wealthy, owning more than a half million dollars, while 2.4% have USD1000 or less. The majority (55%) have wealth between USD10,000 and 100,000 (obviously owning HDB flats), and another 23% whose wealth is estimated at between USD1,000 and 10,000. About 16% fall between USD100,000 and 588,000. So the million dollar question is – which Singaporeans are 2nd richest in Asia and 4th richest in the world?
For the record, Singapore’s median wealth per adult, which is a more meaningful measure, actually stands at just US$30,092. That means half the population has USD 30,000 or less as household wealth. This is a huge difference from the average wealth figure. People at the top end of the wealth average have so much wealth that it skews the average to almost ten times the median. Most other countries do not have such bad skewing, including US (whose average is 5x its median), India (3.8x), France (3.8x), Indonesia (3.6x), Taiwan (3.1x), UK (2.9x), China (2.7x), Australia (2.6x), Canada (2.4x) and Japan (2x).
Further, if we consider the fact that most Singaporeans would have a sizeable amount of their savings in their CPF, the median disposable wealth per adult would be significantly lower.
It is interesting to note that in contrast to classical financial institutions’ definition, of wealth as the amount of “investable assets”, Credit Suisse defines wealth as the value of financial assets plus non-financial assets (principally housing) owned by individuals less their debts. Based on this definition to start with, can the majority of Singaporeans really claim to be “wealthy” when even the HDB flat we live in is only leased to us and most lessees have a mortgage to pay for the greater part of their life.
The study states that household wealth in Singapore grew steadily and vigorously during the past decade, rising from USD 105,000 at the outset to more than USD 250,000 at the end. Interestingly, this increase was due to domestic growth and asset price increases. But wait. How did our “assets” grow in value? That too, exponentially? Remember the selective statistics used to show that HDB flats were affordable? According to the Credit Suisse report, just over 20 per cent of the adult population in Singapore has over US$100,000 in financial and non-financial assets.
Another interesting fact about the study is its analyses are based on adult populations. The report puts the total number of adults in Singapore at four million. Unfortunately the numbers don’t tally. There are not that many adult Singaporeans, according to Singstat. The latest figures indicate that Singapore’s total resident population of citizens and permanent residents, aged 15 and up, is 3,117,300.
Now coming back to median wealth in Singapore. Where do we stand in world rankings? The median wealth is higher in at least 25 countries. Here they are: Singapore is at the bottom of this table
"
-- Singapore 2nd richest in Asia?, The Temasek Review
well said. see how screwed our economy is and how ridiculous the disparity is? could you explain why are we suppressed to the poor cycle while the rich get humongous rich? aren't we suppose to be the first world country whereby our rich-poor ratio shouldn't be in such exaggerating figures? somehow i feel "our assets" are making us poor, tying us down to our country and being cash-strap while looking superficially rich to other countries? educated finance student pls enlighten me. (no sarcasm intended)
no wonder ppl have to work till they die. cause all our money seemingly goes to the faggot-ly rich and powerful. i don't know but this model seems to me like an singapore economy is an epitome of how the first class countries are making use of the cheap labour of the third world to gain loads of profits while depriving them of what they deserve for their hard work. just that both the first class citizens and third world dweller exist in the very same plane. mcdonalds in singapore is one such "country".
Average wealth per adult in Singapore has grown strongly in the last decade, rising from US$105,000 (S$137,100) per adult to over US$250,000 in 2010, supported by a period of strong domestic economic growth and asset price increases.”(Oct 8th).
The caption, is to my mind, misleading, while the skimpy ST report conveniently ignores more vital information in the Credit Suisse Report about Singapore.
What the state media didn’t tell was the report mentions that only 3.6% of the surveyed population (4 million Singaporeans &PRs) are wealthy, owning more than a half million dollars, while 2.4% have USD1000 or less. The majority (55%) have wealth between USD10,000 and 100,000 (obviously owning HDB flats), and another 23% whose wealth is estimated at between USD1,000 and 10,000. About 16% fall between USD100,000 and 588,000. So the million dollar question is – which Singaporeans are 2nd richest in Asia and 4th richest in the world?
For the record, Singapore’s median wealth per adult, which is a more meaningful measure, actually stands at just US$30,092. That means half the population has USD 30,000 or less as household wealth. This is a huge difference from the average wealth figure. People at the top end of the wealth average have so much wealth that it skews the average to almost ten times the median. Most other countries do not have such bad skewing, including US (whose average is 5x its median), India (3.8x), France (3.8x), Indonesia (3.6x), Taiwan (3.1x), UK (2.9x), China (2.7x), Australia (2.6x), Canada (2.4x) and Japan (2x).
Further, if we consider the fact that most Singaporeans would have a sizeable amount of their savings in their CPF, the median disposable wealth per adult would be significantly lower.
It is interesting to note that in contrast to classical financial institutions’ definition, of wealth as the amount of “investable assets”, Credit Suisse defines wealth as the value of financial assets plus non-financial assets (principally housing) owned by individuals less their debts. Based on this definition to start with, can the majority of Singaporeans really claim to be “wealthy” when even the HDB flat we live in is only leased to us and most lessees have a mortgage to pay for the greater part of their life.
The study states that household wealth in Singapore grew steadily and vigorously during the past decade, rising from USD 105,000 at the outset to more than USD 250,000 at the end. Interestingly, this increase was due to domestic growth and asset price increases. But wait. How did our “assets” grow in value? That too, exponentially? Remember the selective statistics used to show that HDB flats were affordable? According to the Credit Suisse report, just over 20 per cent of the adult population in Singapore has over US$100,000 in financial and non-financial assets.
Another interesting fact about the study is its analyses are based on adult populations. The report puts the total number of adults in Singapore at four million. Unfortunately the numbers don’t tally. There are not that many adult Singaporeans, according to Singstat. The latest figures indicate that Singapore’s total resident population of citizens and permanent residents, aged 15 and up, is 3,117,300.
Now coming back to median wealth in Singapore. Where do we stand in world rankings? The median wealth is higher in at least 25 countries. Here they are: Singapore is at the bottom of this table
"
-- Singapore 2nd richest in Asia?, The Temasek Review
well said. see how screwed our economy is and how ridiculous the disparity is? could you explain why are we suppressed to the poor cycle while the rich get humongous rich? aren't we suppose to be the first world country whereby our rich-poor ratio shouldn't be in such exaggerating figures? somehow i feel "our assets" are making us poor, tying us down to our country and being cash-strap while looking superficially rich to other countries? educated finance student pls enlighten me. (no sarcasm intended)
no wonder ppl have to work till they die. cause all our money seemingly goes to the faggot-ly rich and powerful. i don't know but this model seems to me like an singapore economy is an epitome of how the first class countries are making use of the cheap labour of the third world to gain loads of profits while depriving them of what they deserve for their hard work. just that both the first class citizens and third world dweller exist in the very same plane. mcdonalds in singapore is one such "country".
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
dilemma
blood clouds hanging low just like the crimson arrows arching from their bow.
the street lights draw elongated shadows on both sides.
the pavement dead in the silent dusk
and this is the routine i run through everyday.
being alone, being so close to myself.
as i stretched and stretched throughout each day,
more and more towards the tipping point i am.
for a place where i once loved and made sacrifices for.
its an irony after all.
how tiresome and how loathsome to be me now.
but who else could i be except for the one i choose to be.
if you see me mourning, stop and ask, for i will tell the story i so hide.
'this is a square inch for someone who left me be.
for she was murdered brutally and Lord creates all ugly things.'
you probbed, 'who is she murdered by and how'
for this, i will answer, 'oh, what tragedy, she was slaughtered by mass media with their unspoken conformist laws.
i will then proceed to exhume the grave, inside you shall see, a wooden box just of a square inch lying snugly in the hole.
you watch me in disbeleief at the tomb.
let me explain all this, 'it is me who did the ritual for myself.
in the box lies my photo, my soul. part of me is dead. breaking into dust and drifting with the wind. till someone pick up the noble dream and live it well for me.
for now, i will set on a journey to replace me, to feel whole again.
don't be disgrace by me. for this is what i sought. i couldn't stay for this is who i am born to be.
apologies for the valleys of disappointment. i, too,
am learning to be myself.
well and healthy, fit and young, this conquest won't stop.
it shan't end this way.
=================================
rain and shine, who will be there throughout?
=================================
i want to think that everything is fine throughout, that i could go on like that, that everything is in perfect balance, that i got what i wanted. maybe, 6 months ago, all was well and fine but now it couldn't stay the same anymore. how could it be when i am growing every single day and things are still the way they are. its not that i don't love them anymore, i still do. just that what they say about love isn't entirely true. reality catches up one day and you realise you have cause such great disappointment to the ones you have love all the while. this isn't fair for them. i could reason that it is not fair for me either. why should i let them dictate my life? but truth is every decision has their woes. i couldn't satisfy everybody. for me, i am different, way different. even if i don't have their genes, i still have their blood. each inch of flesh and skin, every touch and feel don't belong wholly to me. for the whole song of their lives, they have dedicated it to me. i couldn't be so selfish. i want to be heartless this very much. i want to go and don't run back. i want to take flight towards my dream. but truth is, i still owe them. no matter which part of the earth i flee to, there still be a part of me calling out to them. even if it is just out of the sheer drudgery of responsibility, i wouldn't be able to flee from it. this is what is encoded in my heritage. i couldn't shun. this, i have to embrace the truth that they keep throwing onto me. consensus have to be made but fear not for i won't betray my soul. they think what i do is useless, but even a cent is worth something. i won't halt my heels, for it doesn't justify for it. instead i just change my course. i will break it now, let them learn the truth soon enough. i will see who i am soon enough.
============================
nothing is definite
the street lights draw elongated shadows on both sides.
the pavement dead in the silent dusk
and this is the routine i run through everyday.
being alone, being so close to myself.
as i stretched and stretched throughout each day,
more and more towards the tipping point i am.
for a place where i once loved and made sacrifices for.
its an irony after all.
how tiresome and how loathsome to be me now.
but who else could i be except for the one i choose to be.
if you see me mourning, stop and ask, for i will tell the story i so hide.
'this is a square inch for someone who left me be.
for she was murdered brutally and Lord creates all ugly things.'
you probbed, 'who is she murdered by and how'
for this, i will answer, 'oh, what tragedy, she was slaughtered by mass media with their unspoken conformist laws.
i will then proceed to exhume the grave, inside you shall see, a wooden box just of a square inch lying snugly in the hole.
you watch me in disbeleief at the tomb.
let me explain all this, 'it is me who did the ritual for myself.
in the box lies my photo, my soul. part of me is dead. breaking into dust and drifting with the wind. till someone pick up the noble dream and live it well for me.
for now, i will set on a journey to replace me, to feel whole again.
don't be disgrace by me. for this is what i sought. i couldn't stay for this is who i am born to be.
apologies for the valleys of disappointment. i, too,
am learning to be myself.
well and healthy, fit and young, this conquest won't stop.
it shan't end this way.
=================================
rain and shine, who will be there throughout?
=================================
i want to think that everything is fine throughout, that i could go on like that, that everything is in perfect balance, that i got what i wanted. maybe, 6 months ago, all was well and fine but now it couldn't stay the same anymore. how could it be when i am growing every single day and things are still the way they are. its not that i don't love them anymore, i still do. just that what they say about love isn't entirely true. reality catches up one day and you realise you have cause such great disappointment to the ones you have love all the while. this isn't fair for them. i could reason that it is not fair for me either. why should i let them dictate my life? but truth is every decision has their woes. i couldn't satisfy everybody. for me, i am different, way different. even if i don't have their genes, i still have their blood. each inch of flesh and skin, every touch and feel don't belong wholly to me. for the whole song of their lives, they have dedicated it to me. i couldn't be so selfish. i want to be heartless this very much. i want to go and don't run back. i want to take flight towards my dream. but truth is, i still owe them. no matter which part of the earth i flee to, there still be a part of me calling out to them. even if it is just out of the sheer drudgery of responsibility, i wouldn't be able to flee from it. this is what is encoded in my heritage. i couldn't shun. this, i have to embrace the truth that they keep throwing onto me. consensus have to be made but fear not for i won't betray my soul. they think what i do is useless, but even a cent is worth something. i won't halt my heels, for it doesn't justify for it. instead i just change my course. i will break it now, let them learn the truth soon enough. i will see who i am soon enough.
============================
nothing is definite
Monday, November 15, 2010
its too much.
how could you, when we put our trust on your knowledge. you didn't abide by the ethics that you took an oath for. you didn't do what you could. a life so small just didn't matter to you isn't it. its just like a replica of the dozens over that you see on the street. but you are cruel even if you head the morally sound. you couldn't drop your ego, the burden of your ignorance. just let it be. your pretense of concern. drop it. we could see through your reluctance when you pass the death verdict. just a bit of this sweet tonic could revive his weakest link. that is all he needed, yet you are such an adroit illusionist. there's no hope, i seen this scene one too many a time, when he got to go, he got to go, don't let him suffer any more, you comforted us. its just like us human to hasten what the nature bring, to accelerate the outcome. so much for that. you disappoint us all.
Monday, November 8, 2010
word. lie. truth.
forgiveness and repentance
today i was taught a lesson
the world we grew up in
is a world of twisted fact
not many value the truth
but treasure those who meant what they speak
this is a world of distorted words
so just hold your tongue
and hear me out
i want to speak the truth
but it bothers me so.
because promises choose to bury it with lies
but now, starting from today,
there will be no more masquerade
let there be emotions so raw, it seared
through the heart
and tears, the exultation of feelings,
not signs of weaknesses
you taught me well and there it is, me
growing strong and well indeed.
still, they ask, what use of words for words so wronged,
language borders, dialogue
causes agony and speech creates war
words become lies too a-many for one to take.
but they are too the art of heart, the way
to others. the true gold when one wield it
not as a sword but a tool of
love.
today i learn a lesson. you taught me well.
--------------------------------
someday, i will find a spot that belongs to me. all mine. i can do whatever i want with no one to judge me. i could dance like a ferret, spin like a wheel, scream like a hysteric, over and over till i collapse. nobody there to see myself except for the sun and the moon to be my soul companion.
today i was taught a lesson
the world we grew up in
is a world of twisted fact
not many value the truth
but treasure those who meant what they speak
this is a world of distorted words
so just hold your tongue
and hear me out
i want to speak the truth
but it bothers me so.
because promises choose to bury it with lies
but now, starting from today,
there will be no more masquerade
let there be emotions so raw, it seared
through the heart
and tears, the exultation of feelings,
not signs of weaknesses
you taught me well and there it is, me
growing strong and well indeed.
still, they ask, what use of words for words so wronged,
language borders, dialogue
causes agony and speech creates war
words become lies too a-many for one to take.
but they are too the art of heart, the way
to others. the true gold when one wield it
not as a sword but a tool of
love.
today i learn a lesson. you taught me well.
--------------------------------
someday, i will find a spot that belongs to me. all mine. i can do whatever i want with no one to judge me. i could dance like a ferret, spin like a wheel, scream like a hysteric, over and over till i collapse. nobody there to see myself except for the sun and the moon to be my soul companion.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
random thoughts
I am consumed by the gargoyle bravery.
Sinfully, Adamantly, Lackadaisically and Paradoxically,
Like the
Gypsyful town that do no good
within walls.
The evil priest that
preaches righteousness
The lightful night that got
shattered by fiery war
The ingrate savior
The innocent spy
The knight in hideous hide
The beauty and the beast
So and so much more
True ugliness reside in one resentful heart
But Beauty thrives microscopically
-thoughts on notre dame. haha. though i don't really understand what i am trying to say. but words just flow out.
when a dew drops on its ninety-ninth,
would it still not ponder about
the way of life.
to be a dew, for what its worth
its short period on earth.
only seen at dawn when even
birds have yet to stirred
if you ask a dew for what its worth
the mystical and persistent
appearance
it might say the way of life is carried
forth by the simplest term
and that is all is worth.
--------------------
when thought wasn't given to the science of night.
moonlight, twilight, dusk and dawn
which of them hold the darkest secret of them all?
which of them hide shadows
lurking and corners vanishing?
operations of the night,
stealthily and cunningly,
someone stole her body,
and stow it awry.
even till today, she doesn't
belong for her mind reside
somewhere in that night.
somebody propose at the zoo today. so sweet.
Sinfully, Adamantly, Lackadaisically and Paradoxically,
Like the
Gypsyful town that do no good
within walls.
The evil priest that
preaches righteousness
The lightful night that got
shattered by fiery war
The ingrate savior
The innocent spy
The knight in hideous hide
The beauty and the beast
So and so much more
True ugliness reside in one resentful heart
But Beauty thrives microscopically
-thoughts on notre dame. haha. though i don't really understand what i am trying to say. but words just flow out.
when a dew drops on its ninety-ninth,
would it still not ponder about
the way of life.
to be a dew, for what its worth
its short period on earth.
only seen at dawn when even
birds have yet to stirred
if you ask a dew for what its worth
the mystical and persistent
appearance
it might say the way of life is carried
forth by the simplest term
and that is all is worth.
--------------------
when thought wasn't given to the science of night.
moonlight, twilight, dusk and dawn
which of them hold the darkest secret of them all?
which of them hide shadows
lurking and corners vanishing?
operations of the night,
stealthily and cunningly,
someone stole her body,
and stow it awry.
even till today, she doesn't
belong for her mind reside
somewhere in that night.
somebody propose at the zoo today. so sweet.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
indifferent difference
those girls,
go to school,
get their As.
dress in pink,
like their heels
met a guy,
fell in love
got their certs,
but is clueless
go to school,
get their As.
this girl,
quits studying,
chases her dreams
those girls,quits studying,
chases her dreams
dress in pink,
like their heels
this girl,
wears her berms,
dress sloppily
those girls,wears her berms,
dress sloppily
met a guy,
fell in love
this girl,
loves the boys
who's a tramp
those girls,loves the boys
who's a tramp
got their certs,
but is clueless
this girl,
who has dreams,
misses nothing
misses nothing
cause her happy little self got everything that the world is to offer.
Monday, October 25, 2010
message from rugrats
this used to be one of my favourite cartoon shows. what seems like frivolous humour then is making so much sense now. they are the one who, by their own imagination, build their empire from the simplest tools available, defend their forts with whatever at hand, form alliance with innocent promises of friendships. the adults can't understand their wisdom and thought they are just fooling around. but i say, if i have to give up this obligatory play in life, i would rather not grow up. let me just be in neverland cause for me, this is the best way to lead your life. i choose to lead and not follow. too many people put in blind faith to our external circumstances and ended up in self-deprecation.cause this is really about an underlying message for me to wake up. if we look back, nobody cares if you are just blabbering nonsense, nobody cares if you don't know anything in the world, nobody cares if you owe nothing else than the diapers. yet, everybody loves you like how the world deserves to be loved.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
all she thinks about life
she says if she doesn't watch tv, what else can she do, wait for death?
the truth is, she is as good as dead with that set.
the truth is, she is as good as dead with that set.
Monday, September 27, 2010
torn inside out
dear you,
recently i've been feeling kind of wierd. have you ever felt like these? like you are going out of your body? like your body doesn't belong to you? like something is happening to you but all you could do is watch it like a bystander?
i have. sometimes, at the end of the day, when i was just travelling on bus, i hoped to dooze off but a wierd sensation took over. how could i describe it to you. it felt like i am dreaming while i'm awake. perhaps this is what they call another dimension? i don't know. i see images in my mind, images not within control. and these images are so vivid and so real that it kind of scares me. its as if this will happen to me. not that the content of the dream is bad but it doesn't negate that it is an unexplained phenomena. like i said, i felt awake throughout and time seems not able to penetrate throughout my trance. its like something or someone is trying to reach out to me. up to this point, does it give you the chills or do you just find me strange?
another thing i would like to confess, i have been so worn out recently. i could blink my eyes and swear that i see blackness for a micro-second even after i open my eyes. micro-second, is it humanly possible to feel that? maybe its exaggeration, it indeed feel very fast yet noticeable. i figured my body thought it could just shut down like that. maybe it needs a rest, maybe it wants a break but please my body, please don't break down. i still have a long way to go, we still have a journey to embark together, remember? i promise a break once we pull through this. yes, i know we felt so stuck but i will make a decision to break through. a change is what we all need.
and you know, i have been missing someone lately, so much so that i could have fallen in love with another instead. cause of that someone, it goes into a cycle of disappointment every time. i don't want it to be this way, has always been.
dear you, if you exist, please tell me what to do or at least explain to me what is happening.
rgds,
Schizophrenia, Bipolar
recently i've been feeling kind of wierd. have you ever felt like these? like you are going out of your body? like your body doesn't belong to you? like something is happening to you but all you could do is watch it like a bystander?
i have. sometimes, at the end of the day, when i was just travelling on bus, i hoped to dooze off but a wierd sensation took over. how could i describe it to you. it felt like i am dreaming while i'm awake. perhaps this is what they call another dimension? i don't know. i see images in my mind, images not within control. and these images are so vivid and so real that it kind of scares me. its as if this will happen to me. not that the content of the dream is bad but it doesn't negate that it is an unexplained phenomena. like i said, i felt awake throughout and time seems not able to penetrate throughout my trance. its like something or someone is trying to reach out to me. up to this point, does it give you the chills or do you just find me strange?
another thing i would like to confess, i have been so worn out recently. i could blink my eyes and swear that i see blackness for a micro-second even after i open my eyes. micro-second, is it humanly possible to feel that? maybe its exaggeration, it indeed feel very fast yet noticeable. i figured my body thought it could just shut down like that. maybe it needs a rest, maybe it wants a break but please my body, please don't break down. i still have a long way to go, we still have a journey to embark together, remember? i promise a break once we pull through this. yes, i know we felt so stuck but i will make a decision to break through. a change is what we all need.
and you know, i have been missing someone lately, so much so that i could have fallen in love with another instead. cause of that someone, it goes into a cycle of disappointment every time. i don't want it to be this way, has always been.
dear you, if you exist, please tell me what to do or at least explain to me what is happening.
rgds,
Schizophrenia, Bipolar
Saturday, September 25, 2010
time. timeless.
they all say time is running out, it'll be too late for me to do anything like that. but tell me, what exactly is time. what value does time hold when we have woes of time instead of celebrating the flow of it. rejoice that we are opening our eyes to a brand new day of challenge, give no cheers to the bland state of conformity. be awed that we are reborn every single day and not be bereaved by the loss of yesterday. someone enlightened me, why is it i see so many people indulging in yesterday, fantasizing about tomorrow but not relishing the very day that existed. well i'm not saying its not good to learn from our history and have big dreams. in fact, i'm totally into it but too many people are neglecting the presence of now in exchange for those faraway moments. i meant both yesterday and tomorrow are non-existent, where do they stand in this very minute? too many times, we deflate this particular moment to inflate our past glories and future achievements. but when we don't live in present tense, we would never get what we want. however, say we do get what we want, we quickly relinquish their pleasure by upping the ante for the ransom of time. yes, we are no longer keepers of our own time, we are our very own time-kidnapper. paradoxically, we put our time away from us. yes. this is a crazy world. the one very thing we have in definite, we let it slipped away.
perhaps, we are all taught that we have to work hard for the things we wanted. thus time is a conflicting currency we don't even have to lift a finger to get. spend it generously, spend it wisely. i believe the adage, the best thing in life are free, so is the case for time that the universe dished out for everyone. imagine a world so rich that we don't have hard cash currency, instead wealth is calibrated by time. everyone will be living in abundance, there will be no poverty cause everyone's treasure is the gift of time.
so we have to learn to not be trapped in the loop of time, to not forget the meaning of life and to remember the power of living in the moment.
perhaps, we are all taught that we have to work hard for the things we wanted. thus time is a conflicting currency we don't even have to lift a finger to get. spend it generously, spend it wisely. i believe the adage, the best thing in life are free, so is the case for time that the universe dished out for everyone. imagine a world so rich that we don't have hard cash currency, instead wealth is calibrated by time. everyone will be living in abundance, there will be no poverty cause everyone's treasure is the gift of time.
so we have to learn to not be trapped in the loop of time, to not forget the meaning of life and to remember the power of living in the moment.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
destination or journey?
result is all they care. like it doesn't matter if you don't learn anything, as long as you can pass well even if it means to get somebody else to do it for you. shit this world. shit this focus. this is one of the reason why i don't go mainstream. whats wrong with you people to think that the destination is more important than the journey. to me destination doesn't really matter. unless you intend to be a blind and hurried tourist trying to take in as much sights as possible. it doesn't matter if you take one month or a year in a place, its the experience that matters; not how much you remember yourself seeing but how much you actually feel and grow out of it.
there's too little care and too little love in this world. what was i hoping, not everyone's a mother theresa, not everyone wants a jane goodall. too many people chooses monetary reward (destination) over the reward of love (journey). skeptics skeptics, can't believe you can't have it both. even if i were to choose, the choice is clear isn't it. are you a destination person or a journey person?
there's too little care and too little love in this world. what was i hoping, not everyone's a mother theresa, not everyone wants a jane goodall. too many people chooses monetary reward (destination) over the reward of love (journey). skeptics skeptics, can't believe you can't have it both. even if i were to choose, the choice is clear isn't it. are you a destination person or a journey person?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
honestly, how meaningful is your life?
damn it. i such a sucker for this kind of things.
love the wind on my face.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
haven
what if heaven is a place on earth and we live eternally in different lives? what will we do, what will we seek for?
i realize a lot of things that i do i couldn't give an explanation, or at least a convincing one. words have its limitation that failed to convey the experience and thoughts of one wholly. maybe everything doesn't requires logic. or perhaps practicality isn't all there is to this world.
i realize a lot of things that i do i couldn't give an explanation, or at least a convincing one. words have its limitation that failed to convey the experience and thoughts of one wholly. maybe everything doesn't requires logic. or perhaps practicality isn't all there is to this world.
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