Monday, August 30, 2010

the sight of magic

fairies dancing on water. golden fingers caressing the earth. connecting flight between heaven and earth. green winged messenger. music squirrels. families of light ninjas. flying blue flames. interweaving webs of truth. what a miracle we are living in.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

wisdom of nature

if i limit myself to whereby people say i can't, i probably can never achieve much.
i recalled when i was barely 18, i will fantasize about bringing back loads of income, controlling people under the skirt. now i know, i won't want to become the GM who only has 3-4 hours of sleep, downing cans and cans and caffeinated drinks, having to entertain hordes of trivial even during off days, always wearing a perfunctory smile and being wary of others. this is an exhausting and unfulfilled life. unless circumstances demand, i wouldn't trade my current life view for anything.

Monday, August 23, 2010

we share the same dream

life's amazing. today i am impressed. this girl, 22, i met at the zoo bus stop via my office lady. she is daring and spontaneous in pursuing her dream. studied in private diploma school. didn't earn a cent before graduation. upon graduation, holds her first job in a managerial position in retail section. after that, moving onwards to build her CV. experience 5 jobs of different nature within a short time span of 1 and a half year. and now, she's at the night safari.

finally some one agrees that qualification ain't everything, life is. no matter how backwards one falls in terms of their education level, they could still made up for it in other ways. what good is a scholar if he/she doesn't know how to handle the vicissitudes of life.

the issue with us, i guess, is that we are all searching for the perfect life. thing is, there's no such thing as a perfect life. one has to make choices. choices signifies sacrifices. sacrifices might lead to regrets. so how could life ever be perfect when presented with such spectrum of decisions; loss and gain? the perfect life could only exist only if one live in ignorance and avoidance.

but on a lighter note, one could have their ideal life. ideal by making an informed choice of letting go and dedicating their work towards their goal, tipping the scale more towards gain than loss. what are our priorities? what do we really live for? is it really worth it to be in that high paying but soul sucking job? is it really necessary to acquire that label? to me, leading an ideal life do and could means letting go of anything, even if it is high in controversy; the 7 years lover, the opportunity for higher education or even the trade in of a promotion for an exotic job. everyone is different in their needs, personality and passion. that's why one decision that seems logically or socially wrong feels so right to the other.

on my way home, cycling in the rain, brought me back to the time when i just graduated from secondary school. caught in a similar weather, a kind uncle offered to share his umbrella across the road. he queried about my decision upon graduation, jc or poly? my answer, poly, maybe engineering. his reply, well, engineering you can get very high starting pay as compared to other fresh graduate but the pay increment really sucks. in contrast, for business student, the starting pay is lower but you can see no limit in terms of monetary rewards. as a 16 year old, i seriously ponder about his advise. but now, 4 years of growing up, if i were to be in the same situation, i would speak boldly of my aspirations cause storing money isn't passion but having a passion could bring in money, which could be in term use to fuel the passion. its an irony that people who earn so much seems more reluctant to part with their money in areas of personal growth.

here, i shall share the life of a guy who i met at SPCA. he's 18 but already with a list of achievements. he is teaching drama to primary school kids, acted in a local production. represent a hotel for this inter-hotel tennis competition (if i didn't recall wrongly) through the recommendation of his coach. is a lead singer for a band and producer or song writer for another. got into criminology at the age of 14 by submitting an essay and passing an interview. but dropped out as he doesn't want to be seem as a child prodigy. is a journalist. apparently he has got an IQ of 170++. waiting to be admitted to lasalle at that point of time. and the best thing is, he doesn't look like a geek. he looks like the typical ah beng, piercing, cap and berms with a bit too much of the english feel. he had a pet snake and tarantula which he fed them rodents. yuck and bloody. (one of my ex-colleague, who is pretty impressive too, used to have a pet scorpion. wth! next time i shall keep a pet ant colony. lol.) he could be bragging and lying but i choose not to doubt. whats the point, i rather be impressed than to be suspecting and jealous. face the truth, we all heard about the 4 year old uni kid and the baby who is chosen as a reincarnation of god, so whats wrong with having a 14 year old uni kid here?

to sum up, i really have got a wonderful life and is heading towards ideal.
- a close to dream and already satisfying and rewarding job (and the pay good too)
- a cosy bed in my homely abode
- a vehicle (bicycle)
- passion fueling life
- the ability to keep on dreaming and achieving what i really want and not what society dictates (prove me wrong that most people do whats expected of them)

at the end of the day, i don't see myself as how much lesser i am as compared to the others but as how much more i could grow into.

Monday, August 16, 2010

the girl who just waits and waits and regrets

truth is, i'm scared to death about it; peeling through my skin, cutting into my ribs, digging out my heart, splitting it into two and giving away the one good half. could you imagine the dilemma that i have to go through, sharing my heart, trusting it to others with good faith?

it has never been done and couldn't be done. at least not now, not when the unison would fall apart on the next day.

no, i think it be better for you to split my guts, break my spine and twist my lung. the heart is a selfish organ that i couldn't spare. we should keep our distance just the way it is. and i do recognize that this is a straight path southwards. i couldn't trust myself to do what i want when it comes to matter like this.

the usual me would say that its better to die trying than die wanting, which is much better than just existing. we gonna die willy nilly. but this time it felt better to just do nothing cause it truly scared the hell outta me. so sorry for being so wimpy. who am i sorry for again? i guess nobody but myself.

chalk one up for regrets.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

uniting voices of the earth

Animal Telepathic Communicator Penelope Smith, P2/2

she is so awesome! got to learn this!!
spiritual awakening. love the idea~


whee. finally clear away loads of stuff from my life. not a lot. just 2 bags of trash. hmm. shall set a deadline for things under my possession. all trinkets, gifts, souvenirs,unnecessary accumulation, letters, cards (yes that i know is very heartless but sorry pals) that i haven't been bothered with for 2 years with the exceptions of stitch and books (:

uncluttered so as to focus. if i ever get my home next time, i'm gonna do up in a minimalistic way.

Friday, August 13, 2010

seem like the truth doesn't change a thing.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

the ugly rear of truth

the truth finally hits me. and it not just simply dawn on me, it hits me with the brunt of reality. its shattering to realise that i am still so vulnerable to my environment though i've been shutting off. the fact is i have drifted away, an ocean apart while others are forming new bond; i am cutting pieces of me and leaving them behind - the trade-off for heading towards the alternative. it hurts and its not easy. well, i could have chosen the easy way out but if thats the case, then whats the point.

even if i am faltering and picturing myself as being delusional, delirious and deceitful.
even if for the past few months, the passion has been smothered into numbness.
even if today i felt diminished, a point of nowhere, neither here nor there, caught in between.
even if i'm not moving forward and is reluctant to slide backwards.
i will not bow in this face-off with myself.

yes, things have to change. i am getting too comfortable with my status quo that it is no longer serves my life purpose. just like chess, the game will never progress if i don't make a move. i gonna stay stagnant no more. reminders, reminders - shall not avoid, shall face what it hurts.

you say you'll come but its all just a liar's game.

we lie cause the truth is always being spat at.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

anybody else feeling unpatriotic?

national day. but do you really feel connected to this place, being part of its whole nation? do you feel that you could contribute to its greater good? do you feel the purpose of your existence on this land?

honestly, i don't. i bored out of this place. though really appreciate its security.

and of course, i don't feel like i'm in a mood of celebration.

Friday, August 6, 2010

life should be a dream

what good does a dream serves should one back up after presented with an initial obstacle. if it were to be like a breeze, everybody would be taking it so lightly. but fact is, people don't realise the true form of our journey, the way the universe works. to segregate the real do-er and those that just pay lip service to their dream, the ego of one has to be thrashed upfront. if one still couldn't fathom this logic, it could be equate to those of a baby step. we stumble, fall and pick ourselves up. slowly but surely, we learn to walk, approaching a sprint, a gait, a chase. we know this since we were born however over time, we lose this instinctive nature due to the fast impact society that we lived in. imagine that, people shot to fame overnight after posting their video on the internet. more often than not, viewers neglect the years of hard work behind it and look at the whole situation through rose-tinted glasses. everything we do got to have an instantaneous impact. but you know, we don't start out to build the biggest, strongest, most mind blowing staircase towards our dream. we start by laying the steps stably, one at a time. climbing up towards our ultimate goal. nothing about it is going to be easy but if we were to survive the beginning hardship, the universe would reward us bit by bit, though with it random bout of test, encouraging us to stick to our resolution.

show me that we are not weaklings that bow down so easily. prove to me that we could all fight with the same passion. then again i don't need to follow, let me set the rules on how i'm gonna do it.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

the saddest tune between you and me

if we all were to wait for the perfect opportunity, we could never find the right time to do anything. more often than not, this is just another reason for procrastination. inevitably, it leads to regret which in hope that time will bury.

i've got so much to learn about freeing myself from the shackles and claiming those courage.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

the air of resistance

sometimes, i guess we are just too sensible in keeping our distance. probably cause i can't break through my own barrier.

doesn't matter, whats important now is to protect my dream.