knowing

ARE YOU AFRAID OF KNOWING WHAT YOU CAN ACHIEVE?

道

道(chi:dao jap:do)
definition: way
more appropriately interpreted as:
1) the way of breathing spirit into form ("newborn")
2) the way of guiding spirit out of form (afterlife)

this 道 has been in my mind for the whole of today, i have to write it down, record it somewhere and decipher it furthur. it has intrigued me today when i read up on one article about it. and furthur reinforced by the encounter on sunday when i went to this house temple. let just say the sunday experience was antagonizing and counter-productive with pushy preachers. the dao that they seek is revolving around guiding spirit out of the body correctly upon death.

the dao that i am more interested is the way of giving life to a form. i was wondering what is the point of attaining enlightenment in the afterlife when we, contradicting humans, stress upon where to go on a usual, normal sunday, not to mention even for a meal. yes, i am fascinated by how religion could be a mental support for so many people. and its even more stimulating how when some people say, "i know god must have something else in place for me".(just a small percentage of time though) so it means every moment in our life is predestined, and we, being the vulnerable, have no power and strength to defy it? yet so many great people in history have proved that, we, human beings, are strong-willed and possessed all ability to be in control of our life, to be the master of our fate. and what worth is belief, if we just leave everything to their natural flow? we should be acting with the force of nature, not let nature execute its act. can u imagine the world now if everybody only adopted faith in some external power and not take a leap of faith on their very own abilities? shouldnt we grow and learn from our mistake instead of succumbing to our failure?

maybe i did not know the teachings of the religion accurately and/or well enough to make these comments and i definitely hope that religious people would not take any offence. i have a religion too, in name not by faith, determined by birth not by choice. i dont really believe in their existence, just not yet. maybe someday i will embrace them, even to the extent of offering my soul(ok thats sound unorthodox, perhaps just my choice of lifestyle), but just not now.

haha.. i think i have digressed but my stand is, what is the point of learning to guide the spirit upon death when life itself is just a form with the spirit locked up. (ok, so this might only applies to me, since i think i the only one who feel that i just living life for the sake of living it) so our spirirt could only be truly unleashed when death looms? all this while, i felt my life has just been taking form of what people perceive as the "way". to study, to perform academically, to grow up, to get a good job, to have immense fortune, and to retire. cannot deny there are fun times but other than that i just felt trap, felt like there is something out there that i should seek, felt like i should break free, and it definitely felt like i have the choice of spreading my wings. or should i just continue on this well-paved route that so many people have travelled effortless (relatively) and few have fell? there is no hidden traps, no dangers lurking in some corner. but the alternative path, which might have been strewn with all kind of mysterious/evil/dangerous power, deserves it attention too.

am i to work then enjoy? or am i qualified to enjoy work life?
am i to follow? or am i the one to pursue?
am i to run on the ground? or am i the chosen one to fly?
am i to wait for my prince and live "happily ever after"? or am i prepared to set off for the quest of my life?
am i to submit a neat white sheet of report on my life? or am i branded as the creative one to produce multiple colourful sheets?
am i to settle down with expectations of others? or am i capable to fufil my dreams?

the choice is clear but the path is obscure
the goal is set but resistance will be strong
though so, i will thrive
even if it means to explore a path unknown
even if everyone else think its absurb
even if i am the only one consent to it
this life of mine needs some revolution
and it wont go hand in hand with the tradition
someday i will free that spirit
and u shall see

my hair issue.

on mc today..

anyway time to address my hair issue. seems like i been repeating this encounter for countless time.

on one fateful wed, i decided to cut my hair short. very short. cause i so sick of having to tie up my long hair. this way it kind of defeat the purpose of having long hair anyway. if you want to know exactly what kind of hairstyle i wanted, go google asymetrical short hair. (initially wanted to post pictures but feeling very lazy now)

so i went around looking for a decent hair salon. after walking one whole rd at the neighbourhood, i found a suitable salon. it seems to be a popular choice cause i waited quite a while. when i first settled into a comfy position, my heart was beating crazily! that must be a bad omen. got to learn to trust my instinct better.

after a while, the hairdresser swayed over, with his scissors that glinted threateningly. an authoritative aura builded up and surrounded us, it was tell-tale sign that all resistance would be futile and protest would not be tolerated and yet i failed to pick it up.

when i showed the hairstylist the picture, he studied the picture for a while and dispute that this hairstyle will not be suitable for me. it will pull down my jawline and make my face looked rectangular. so he began grabbing my hair (seems like he is having a great time playing with it) and proclaim in this "eureka!" mode that, "yes this is the hair style for u, bob will look so gorgeous on u!"

so now i ended up in this "bob-by" look. despite trying to persuade him to cut my hair/fringe shorter for multiple times (est 5 times), my desire to cut short hair still failed to reach him. he would always pick up my hair, ponder for a while, and say this is the best length for u. any shorter it would be close to hideous or wierd. so now i stuck with this neither long nor short hair and fringe :..< thanks to the stubborn hairdresser who is obsessed with dominating the world with bob (i think)

but still going to keep this hair for 1 month and see how it goes from there.

Macritchie misadventure

alright. i at it again, i went trekking! but this time its more massive, more baffling and so much more ridiculous!!

just an introduction to the trail, i suppose to walk along the terantang trail. upon spotting 3 rocks, i am to divert to the forested "hidden" trail. though the existence was very obvious. and blah blah blah till i find the shinto shrine (shall skip this part cause i never made it there :X)

Part 1: meeting at bishan mrt station
initially i thought i suppose to meet one of my friend. as usual, i was late, and he did not contact me. i thought it was strange since he was usu punctual. so i decided to recheck the msg. to my horror, i had deciphered his msg wrongly. it turns out that he will not be able to make it!! the msg he send was pretty ambiguous and i was too slpy at that time to processed it properly. just to quote an example, he wrote," for now, i now going" when it suppose to be "i not going". so his typo and my mildly dysfunctional brain (at tt point of time) has resulted in my misconception. oh well, i decided to continue heading to the place anyway since i already there. cant be making a wasted trip right? and from what i gather from the net, it seems to be a breeze to find the shinto shrine. BIG mistake. thats was a sign to my misadventure. too bad i didnt pick it up. my adventurous spirit was roaring so loud that all my other senses failed me.

Part 2: starting point at venus drive
i have to admit thats the smoothest part of my journey. finding the start point. so i walk and walk. after a while (like say 5-10 mins.lol), i thought it was pretty boring to follow the trail. nothing could be seen except for trees bushes and people. when i spotted a well-trodden path alongside, i follow my guts walked in. (the compass and map kind of indicated i suppose to walk that way too) and this decision was rewarding! just take a look at the pics. u cant see this along the whole of terantang trail.







the trail kind of stop short around this area. but i dont know what get into me. i was like heck. just walk straight la. and i came to a place with lots of trees~ a relative easy path as the trees kind of far apart (believe me when i say easy was actually an understatment.) and i saw a bird that almost one arm length up close! u wont get to experience that from walking the usual human created trail too.

Part 3: lost!!!
still at the location where i saw the bird. my sight dropped and focused on a group of coconut husk (looks like that to me) that actually took the form of a human shape! i imagined that somebody was actually mummified using coconut husks *erm* and might jump at me as soon as i turn my back upon it. freakish! (ok.. maybe i too paranoid but what do you expect, alone, lost and surrounded by forest even though its bright daylight) i actually turned back when i walked pass it to make sure nothing moved. ok. i know its dumb. after ensuring that i wont be devour in the bright day light by some ancient coconut husk *erm*erm* another problem surfaced. not far from where i stood, there is actually live firing (or maybe blanks) going on. the sound of rifle shot (or whatever firearm they are using) but its not regular. just a few maybe not even 5 shots. so i continue walking where i thought i suppose to walk. (i forgot at which point i actually turn back towards the direction of the terantang trail) and i thought i was saved!! i found a trail. and lots of hearts on the floor!










Part 4: saved?!
so i followed the trail obediently. and though theres still sound of gun shot i figured they wont reach the trail. it suppose to let ppl walk not for some ns training. i turned down slope in a circular direction. i thought i walking in circles since i saw no body else. and a terrible thought surfaced, this might be a round trail that leads to no way! but my faith in the nature reserve trail designer (or watever u call them) stood strong. theres no reason for a circular, abandoned trail that nobody else could find cept for those crazy enough to cross the forest. i saw this tunnel!! relieve, relieve.





from the other end, i could see that there was this guy, crazy hair style and all. due to the badly lited tunnel, i could vaguely see that this seemingly crazy guy is half naked and holding a weapon in one of his hand!! might be a mad killer on the run *squeak* (alright illusion again, then again i have nv doubted my imagination) it turns out that the "weapon" was actually a rod that he used to rub against his head, maybe to stimulate hairgrowth. phew.

Part 5: the gentleman and the damn
at long last, i saw one trustworhty looking guy who was my saviour! i asked him for directions to treetop walk. i had decided to find my destination from there. i followed the directions and i saw signs, signs that i back on the path, "HSBC treetop walk". after a long walk, uphill, downslope, on the road, i spot the 3 rocks!! yes! i finally made it!!





i thought so, but not quite. catastrophe had just fallen.

Part 6: lost again?! BIG TIME
the challenge just started. i trail along the trek. it was easy at first cause many people had previously set on this path. but somehow, i couldnt find the rest of the path. i just stood, and decided to follow my trusty map and compass. head south. forest walk, lots of "unfriendly" thorny plants and trees that grew too "intimately". walk walk walk. forest forest, trees trees, lizards lizards, scratches scratches, entangle entangle, bong bong. BONG BONG?! as u probably had guessed, i near some firing range again. damn, just exactly how much of the forest is being used as firing ground? i walk slightly deviated from "south" away from the gun sound. and i thought i imagined some alarm going off when i walked along that road. but i just conveniently ignored it. i remembered something that sounded like helicopter. am i supposed to hear that? oh well, i just continued not-so-south southwards. and finally i reached a point when a piercing, high pitched alarm sounded. its so irritating, so loud, so much of a warning that it is impossible to ignored. alright this is indication that i had to called it a day and returned with nothing. well, not exactly, i obtained lots of cuts yet again. trekking back wasnt an easy feat either! i couldnt see where i had came from. so i had to start another new route, meaning more scratches. it was tiring and my shirt soaking. (i discovered that the sprain on my left feet has not fully healed yet) finally i saw the "obvious" trek and 3 person!! turned out they have been looking for the shinto shrine too and had just returned from it, and they came out unscathed! walked tgt on the way out, asked a few qns, they are very friendly. got to know they are from this singapore trekkers (google) group. might join them someday. though they are from some trekkers group, they were still quite appalled by the fact i tried to tackle the trek alone! great achievement wing! lol.

i thought working suppose to tone someone down, not unleash and amplify all the "uniqueness" (some of you might plainly refer it to as abnormalities.lol)


sidenote (updates on my normal life)
i have learnt from this and will drag my ns friend along the next time(: yea. u know who i referring to.
wanted #902 for causing bruises on top of the many scratches on my hand. not forgetting u just spoiled my bag used to contain my aikido stuff.
seems like i a natural magnet for criticism (somebody say shit upon seeing my new hairstyle.lol) if this goes on, i might be able to write a book titled, "10,000 innovative ways to ridicule someone" and small letters "and on-going" or "anecdotes on [suaning wing a day keep the blues away]"
will update on my hair issue soon: my not-an-everybody-can-encounter experience with the hairstylist :X
i look like emo who into self-hurt with my new hairstyle, bruises and cuts.

=======================================
randomness strike!! (ok i know the rhyming words are not in order and its not even a decent piece. but i dont care, as long as it gets the msg across its consider done)

i shut my heart
with a sturdy lock
made of adamant
pieces of me so strong it won't broke

the key to the lock
which i threw so far
couldnt be seeked
but it will appear cause it has so

yet the finder who as always
i thought to be perfect
threw the key miles away
as an indication of defeat

and now i've learned
to accept the perfection
of my incompletness
arising from the solitariness

wing unveiled

People closest to my heart think that I am ridiculous or are dashing my dreams

I thought I could turn to my friends for support, encouragement and positive feedback but that hasn’t been the case. On my receiving end, its always, “are u sure u want to do that, you gonna lose one limb doing that, or worse lose your brain”, “that’s insane/crazy, you should be locked up”, “stop touring mars, u shld get back and down to earth” (alright they are my own interpretation of their words. Nobody would want to say that straight in my face. Well u can try. lol) no, no. never was there a positive comment or not even a constructive feedback. (fyi. I get my mental support from online articles. Pretty pathetic I would say)

But sorry guys, if I can’t be stopped so easily, that’s just not me. At least that’s not who I want to be. So the next time when I speak of my dreams, before u vomit out all your negative/non-essential feedbacks. I suggest u think twice n u better off swallowing it all in and let it rots in your stomach/gut. I don’t mind people correcting me. However don’t speak the obvious. I am not brainless, I can think for myself. I am not reckless, I just pursuing my dream. When everybody is speaking of the same basic comment, its not going to probe deep enough into my brain to make a significant, lasting effect. Instead I see it as a challenge, a chance to pick up a fight. (a verbal one that is)

who is to determine whats safe and whats not other than oneself? Is leading a sane life going to guarantee u from not falling off the edge? Is living on the edge going to draw your last breath instantly?

U can live yr life in this human rat race all u want. Don’t expect me to follow suit. I am not in the mainstream. And I am proud of that. If it is wrong to do things that u love/ have a burning, undying passion for (provided it does not harm oneself and everything else), then living in itself is a sin.

People try so hard to earn so much and yet they forget why they earn. They forget the reason why they fight so hard.

Since young we are taught sky is blue but why doesn’t anybody teach us that the sky is boundless? Cause we know it from the very start, its in our guts, it flows in our blood. And yet, when we grow, our sky is diminished. Constricted by our very own weak mental power, we shut out everything that we could not grapple with.

And here, I shall humbly ask, “will u help me to attain my dream?”

instant friendship

“hey” a word so commonly used, yet still possessed the power to start the conversation
“so why are u online now?” a question so daft that would be ridiculed by most
and yet they are handy in bridging the connection between us

warily, gingerly, i took the first step on this perilous journey
that seems fraught with difficulties
unstable, like a child who just learned to walk,
always falling, falling into the inevitable drought of speech

by then, i thought i learned that i was just a memory of yesteryear
i wonder how long it would take for me to be part of the background in the photographs,
only a goofy face flashing a silly, indulgent smile,
just a stranger in the oh-so-familiar place

but i was wrong, and for once i felt relieved for my misjudgment
the subject that falls so naturally into both of our vocabulary is none other than “pig”
i guessed that is what u get when 2 stupid minds collide
it actually triggered off a chain of teasing and conversation topics

i don’t know what exactly captivates or entices me to start that conversation
the conversation was lacking in substance and depth
and yet it might be this simplicity that i sought after
or it might be simply just me, not wishing to let go of the past, memories of those 2 weeks

2 weeks, seems so short
2 weeks, could barely know anybody
yet within 2 weeks, we behaved like old pals
and yes, those 2 weeks, are one of the few best memories that i could vividly recollect

might be the fact that we were parting soon that resulted in this “friendship boom”
might be the fact that we knew we only had 2 weeks so we treasured each other
might be the fact that we simply wished to get the best out of the time spend together

i want to experience this again, the exponential growth of frienship
but this time, no time limit, no rigid pre-planned itinerary, no curfew,
JUST ME AND THE WORLD

============================
i think i am pretty bo liao to start a post on a msn conversation. lol. life getting boring for me.

Rejuvenating ME(:

finally after 5 long days of cubicle-lisation, its weekend once more!! oh yes, weekend, praise the ingenious person who came up with the 5 day work week. spend the saturday going to places that havent catch my attention till now. they are: armenian church, st andrew cathedral, kampong glam (and the cemetery nearby), former supreme court, fort canning park. i shall let the pictures do the talking though its taken through a bad camera, and an even lousier cameraman (have to admit i not artistically inclined :X)

anyway, going to recce macritchie reservoir on 25 jul, sat, in the morning. want to find the abandoned shinto shrine that lies deep in the forest. (alright maybe not that deep) interested pls drop me a msg. fyi, my definition of recce is exploring the place for the first time and might not be able to stick to the pre-planned route due to human error therefore could end up in some insane place(: (but dont worry, singapore doesnt really have any insane place to speak of in the first place) afterall, whats the fun of living if everything goes according to plan resulting in flat, excessively smooth life without suprises? not forgetting to credit suprises as the optimum opportunity to improve one critical thinking, reaction, stability and ability to stay calm!

============================

these photos look so much better when they are small.

choo choo trail pics

the pics did not really do any justice to the bridge. wasnt really able to capture the beauty of the bridge and definitely not the "spirit" of the trek(: and obviously none of us is good at taking photos :X


THE BRIDGE!!!


the PROUD recce team!!
i thought they are the ones who wont kill me for this trek no matter what happen (cause of the experience from the previous trek when we walked the wrong direction, i thought i have learned from it and made a good decision by forming the recce team) apparently i am wrong. am i the only one in my social circle thats crazy enough to fall in love with trekking?? somebody tell me i not crazy pls!! though i know i have always been THE unique one. lol


my shoe~ wasnt at it worst. the worst was after the muddy tunnel whereby i looked like i have just planted my whole shoe into elephant dung.


the tired me. although didnt look like it~ but seriously, i look like i just climb out of the dustbin. (for the last leg of the trek, we have to run in the rain to the bus stop. imagine mud+rain+perspiration. u wont even know exactly which is the worst)

anyway, would be more than grateful if anybody wants to give this trek a go. i dont mind showing the way many many many times!!

Life like that!

today is the day that i...
fell, slipped and landed on my butt
was poked, slashed and caked with mud
almost slid downhill

and now sitting at home, i am covered in multiple superficial cuts and extremely exhausted

but today is also the day that i...
recovered from my falls
stood strong against the perils of nature
got in sync with my peaceful side

and yes! all these mean i have made it!!
i have conquered the choo choo track trail that has challenged me last week!!
i have found the abandoned railway track.
by trekking along it, we have reached the abandoned railway bridge.
not forgetting that we have to first go through this mud filled tunnel (it seems more like a hundred elephants have just been shitting in this tunnel. minus the smell that is)

after which, we went to catch a movie, even though i look like i just climbed out from the dustbin :X

===============================================
will upload photos soon!! next stop: KRANJI/LIM CHU KANG (: