hide no more

today, they talked about university admission. i guess its everybody top priority now to secure a place in their desirable university. well, almost everybody. my graduation plans? i don't know. i lied. there are lots of negative feedback and disparaging comments already. enough is enough.

it doesn't really matter what they think of me anymore. it doesn't matter now, not even what you think of me. these few years, i have been hiding, hiding from all things that i should have taken responsibility. for the sake of you, i try to put everything behind. when i can't, i run away and hide, never to confront the problem.

i know you hated the things that i loved and did since i was a kid. we are different in every ways, don't you see? i can't get you luxurious car or fanciful home, at least thats what i foresee. the american dream is your ideal lifestyle, its not mine. i couldn't carry it with me anymore. i wish to do the things that i genuinely want. rest assured that i know what i am doing. i am not a kiddo anymore, no longer the child who has to be hushed everytime she fell.

if i do fall now, i will stand on my feet and continue onwards. i wish i have known these earlier. its a waste that you have never taught me this. all i remember is you reprimanding me to not do the "stupid" stuffs again. have i not been who i am today, i could have been a hermit or a coward, for thats who you have taught me to be.

though so, i still love you, love you not for what you do but for who you are. believe me, i really do.

in a swimsuit

venue: downtown east chalet

time: 1900

date: 22 Oct 09

mission: find a way into the room for the hot bath.

dangers to avoid:
- involuntary shivering
- trembling lips
- numb fingers
- freezing of facial features
- acute hunger

equipment:
- goggles (eye)
- swimsuit (body)
- slippers (feet)
- stitch towel cum sarong (accessory 1)

hint:
- stay calm
- call operator for extra keys using dedicated phone in chalet
- if fail or steps given by operator are impractical, lend a phone from stranger
- using the phone, call the person you know as key holder for help
- if all else fail and/or you encounter the dangers as mentioned above, PANIC!! SCREAM!! switch to HYSTERICAL mode!!

lesson learnt: never never never ever go swimming without clothes, towel, soap and shampoo. at least u can change to normal clothes and not suffer from the freezing weather and sticking out like a sore thumb. best is to bring handphone or the key along!!

secret to staying young

"Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
LOVE this quote. we should always keep playing and stay young. abandon the notion of playing is non-instrumental to successs. being happy is the most successful thing to get from life. so lets bring out all the lollipops and stick our HAPPY asses to the chair in front of the computer and watch lilo and stitch!! whoo~

the string that attach you and me

we run away, over and over. we seldom look back but when we do, we find all those barriers surrounding us. we pause, we stare, yes it still those huge daunting walls, we shake our heads and continue running away. we never make an effort to push down those walls for fear of exposing the person standing right opposite. our fear of those awkward moments, the lack of recognition and those apparent changes. if only we try, we might realise we are still so much in love with the person who we distant ourselves from.

Current Addictions

State of Shock - Heart That Bleeds


Lilo and Stitch Series!!



Elton John - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

bye bye sling! hello broken bone~

during check up
doctor: ok. as you can see, your bone has not yet joined back. do you still feel any pain?
me: erm. so you mean it hasn't been healing? no. there is no more pain.
doctor: you can see from the previous x-ray it is not connected but today, you can see a slight connection. however your bone is quite firm.
me: so i have to live with a broken bone??
doctor: you have to come back next month for furthur monitoring. for your case, since the bone is not affecting your movement, i will advise you against the operation. as you know, we will be putting in metal plate and screws to straighten your collar bone. however this operation does not have a 100% success rate. the bone might not join back and over a long period of time, the screws might come loose and the bones might still shift out of place. the only guarantee is that you will have a long scar on your right collar bone and you will be able to feel the metal in your body.
(metal plates and screws. iron man? gulp. if that is the case, will i set off the alarm everytime i go through airport security? and i have to explain i come in peace?!)
me: ok. if that is so, can i start doing exercise? like swimming? and basketball?
doctor: yes, actually i will recommend that. so that you can see if your arm is causing you any inconvenience. please start light.
(at this point, i think the doctor is trying to say, " yes, go ahead. so that you can better decide if you want an operation anot cause i think your bones are not going to join back anymore. well you just have to learn to live with it.")
father: so can she still go for aikido training?
doctor: yes, she can do that. she can't break her collar bone anymore since its already broken.
(horrified~ this could be translated to: there is a very small chance now of her bone joining back since it has already been 1 and a half month and we see only slight improvement to her condition)

==================================
doctor seems to be high or inappropriately cheerful that day.
anyway lets hope miracle do happen.

i miss you, you and you

it has been a week since they left but still, i miss them. how could it be, when we spend only 2 weeks together. 3 years, 3 classes. however each experience is unique and it never fails to amaze me. the rapport we established, the jokes we cracked, the tears we shed, the memories we shared. how nostalgic.

i miss them.

hentai mama and papa - thanks for all the dances and entertainment even though we are suppose to be the hosts

and their kodomo.

ichiban - very decent guy. he is hilarious when he quarrel with hentai mama. nice chap too!
yosuke - always get tricked by us! and those exaggerated response. its cool to know him
atamae bakemono (not sure of the spelling) - minasan prince charming, mr elegant until you see him eat. lol.
chao bai chi - their most active kodomo. hyperactive!! shake head vigorously. m m m m.
alien - too bad i only really talk to him on the first day. he thinks i am scary. haiz.
every year classic bakahiro - thanks so much for bullying me at the train station. i have to take a train ride alone all the way from tanah merah to queenstown just because he doesnt let me in! of cos i get back at him by doing a "disappearing trick" on his bag and not to mention those little stupid things that we do. hitting each other head, shaking coke. what the hell~ ijimeko, ijimedareko!

and my dearest grp 4!!
monkey, chicken little, gucci, papa aka ice kachang, ichiban, sleeping king, and my no buddy- shingaporu-jin. will you remember to come back to your home? a-ne.

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cherish your friends, relish every moment together. even if one day they have to leave physically, they will always be part of you. somehow we are partly who they made us to be. one day we might lose what we have worked so hard for but at least we have gained this much once and we be grateful. so don't be afraid of going after something for the fear of losing it. we never know till we try.
i am happy to know you guys, the people i met, even though i never say it.

the year to come

when it is not enough
when u miss them much
when u want more
when u are left with this one last shot
when u dont even care that it gonna end in the same way

====================
march - kumamoto!!

when our fate intertwined

memories and pictures
laughters and tears
confusion and emptiness
arrival and departure
them and us
we.