Wednesday, January 27, 2010

come see me fly

from me, to her, to him.

want to write you a letter but those words probably won't suffice. cause it can't bring my longing to u. it won't show you how much i want to see you again. i just want to meet you. to spend our time repeating the jokes over and over. to just see your smile. even if words can never be totally appreciated, having you beside is enough. if you could just come.

do they still remember what they say? or is it all just part of their habitual lie? maybe we are all too naive to begin with.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

one life. live it.

life is about achieving your dream not the soul-sucking job nor the unnecessary commitments and debts. why couldn't people get it? i know, achieving my dream is not going to be easy. nobody says it will be but it will make the best out of this lifetime, my only life.
don't die while you are living. stay alive till it is time to meet the reaper.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

i wish i have the courage to tell everybody how i feel

"Sat, 16 July, 1973
Some years hence I may, I told Mr. Johnson that I put down all sorts of little incident in it. "Sir," said he, "there is nothing too little for so little a creature as man. It is by studying little things that we attain the great knowledge of having as little misery and as much happiness as possible." "

- a journal of James Bowell


someday, i wish someone would hold my hand just like that, that of a friend, that of a unspoken bond, that of a you and a me. lets run. lets all run towards our shared destiny, to a place we truly belong.
(ain't the two boys sweet)

an eventful day(:

maybe will edit this post. too raw. all over the place. maybe, maybe not. but for now, just some points i noted throughout the day with my dear girls:D

blood donation drive - talk to a 65 year old uncle there. a regular donor, 4 times a year, thats once every 3 weeks. (the shortest possible time span in between blood donation). salute him. he mention that the age limit use to be 60. but since retirement increase to 65, blood donation has to follow the trend too. humorous (:

kuku ulu place in eunos - buy perfume. (of cos it is not for me) realize my nose is not really good at differentiating the scent. they all smell similar to me. oh well, for somebody who loves the "natural" smell, thats not suprising :X

from kuku ulu place to bugis - have a weird encounter. an old auntie suddenly break into a tirade scolding the china people about how they are taking up space and job vacancies in singapore and how this result in jobless singaporeans. honestly, i don't get why she discriminate them like that. since they are here we should make them feel at home. even if you don't welcome them, don't spat on them in public. it just goes to show how narrow-minded you are. as human, we should help each other instead of segregating them base on colour or origin. and yes, i did nothing to stop the tirade. i ashamed of my bystander behaviour but sometimes i just can't help it.

at bugis chapter 2 - went to cut my hair. the result initially wasn't what i expected. it kind of look like the hair gotten from kimage (oh, spare me from the 3 hours). i seek the opinion from my friend by asking her directly if it looks similar. haha, i only realize how awkward it might be for the hairdresser afterward honestly! he is very paiseh from that. maybe i apologise if i ever see him on the street. maybe. but he is so so so cute when he is paiseh. haha. cannot resist guys who are blushing (not those red red blushing but i don't know the word, or is it embarrassed? maybe). just so cute. he is a japanese too, i guess, if the name on the name card is his actual name. add points. but so soft spoken he almost inaudible especially in such a noisy environment, the hair dryers. he cut my hair like his except for the long right part which he simply refuse to cut! only realize that after he style my hair. (probably better if he cut exactly the same) i wonder if that is a trend? lol. cause my friend told me that the other day when she was there, another hairstylist gave 2 of his customers a haircut exactly like his. anyway back to my hair. it is only after i kept looking at the mirror did i realize it is different and i like it (: is actually feeling guilty for treating the hairdresser like that. but if not i can't see the hairdresser paiseh =X haha. thats actually important ok. it is what make him from cute to attractive :D ok. i am weird.fine. and i shall stop making myself seem like i swooning over some random guy. i not ok. NOT. maybe a bit. but that is pretty rare. haha.

thats why i like to go out even if i am alone. you get to see people with all kind of behaviours (:

the oasis is meant for us. far they may seem but never once out of reach. cause where our eyes could take us, our body can. that is, if you can still see.
now now now, for my "to save 800 per month." is that really possible? have to be, cause i really need to go. i hope, please give me a yes.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

this beautiful beast

i curse the person who stole my handphone relentlessly
i say it straight in your face if you are talking way too much
i criticize explicitly leaving no room to retreat

though so, don't expect me to even attempt to fit into your definition of lady
cause i hate to disguise myself under those tresses and mannerisms
and i never want to pretend that i love everything about anybody
i have no wish to be part of this masquerade

i don't deny i am ugly like that
but this is why i am also as beautiful as i could be.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

the notion of time

you can't see pass your workload.
you can't see pass your hatred.
and you will only see me as work.

i know you hate work.
i know you want me gone.
but dear no i don't even recgonize you anymore.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

walking the street

when i walk,
i am going to nowhere cause i have no idea where i am heading.
then again i am going somewhere cause every place i ve been have a name.
which also means i am going everywhere, cause my leg just don't stop anywhere.

thats why i love to walk for the sake of walking. i could be at 3 places, nowhere, somewhere, everywhere, anytime, anyday.

current record.
pasir ris-tampines
around bugis
raffles place-city hall-bugis-lavender-kallang-kolam ayer cc
kallang-boon keng mrt station-farrer park mrt station
orchard-river valley road-somerset-dhoby ghaut-la salle-little india

ok. i know its lame.

Friday, January 15, 2010

got to go.

even a cat knows how to walk away from disappointment.

Monday, January 11, 2010

second chance

i so sick of this shit. i don't want to know how i am able to get funding from the government. i don't want to set up a business. i not interested in doing a resume for some freaking soul draining work. coming up with a spreadsheet is not going to help me in anything.

its so difficult to find a job i want. whatever keyword i put they just give me search result for admin assistant/bank/office or its outdated. honestly, singapore could have do so much so much better. if this place only need people to do all these kind of documentation, i could do more else where. tons more. and i am just starting to find this freaking place interesting. yet again, got cut off with a boring full stop. shut the hell up. get lost. freak. irritated. open up your mind. people. see the world. stop cooping yourself in some brainless cubicle. for goodness sake. u catch animal and trap them inside some stifling cages. you got so addicted to it that you doing it to yourself. idiots. shit.

shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. fuck.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

how to be a nerd

after 19 years of first-hand experience being a nerd, i am finally able to grasp the fundamentals of being one. it isn't as easy as it sounds and not everybody possess the traits to be one. below are the characteristics of a nerd, see if you fit.

being a homely person

first and foremost, you have got to love staying home more than anything else. home is where all your life starts. it is the embarkation of your adventure. your magical yet solitary life could not have been possible elsewhere. the typical life of a nerd is generally as follow: wake up, wash up, go to school without preening yourself, (in fact you consider it your good day if your clothes don't have any crease, which is the case for fbt and dry fit shirts) return home straight after school. going out is almost like a major festive occasion, once a year. when you are out there, you cringe at the sight of the massive size of the crowd on the streets and immediately thought of home. (oh, heaven) you have never heard of curfew and getting grounded cause you would probably only get one in your next lifetime. other than school, you spend 9/10 of your lifetime at home. the other 1/10 is probably use to replenish and acquire the supplies, assets, gizmo or merchandise required to sustain your homely lifestyle.

tremendously vast knowledge on their obsession
we acknowledge that all nerds are unique, with their own obsession and methods of satisfying their own cravings. we see obsession as a plus point. it is actually reported that it takes an average of 10,000 hours to master anything. since we nerds are so obsessed with polishing our knowledge on our obsession, we are able to accomplish it within a shorter days span. remember the 9/10 rule, non-nerds could have the same passion but only spend 1/10 of their time due to their various commitments and lack of obsession. probably the subject of obsession is not limited to one. we strive to establish our standing in various fields. nerds are neither stupid nor goofy, though we appear to be so, we are actually intelligent being. we are so intelligent that normal un-nerds could never grasp our thoughts and the reason behind our actions. we are social deviants and social minority. we are of such a small population that even the news can't be bothered to report about us, that we don't have significance to be filmed into a documentary. coupled with our different way of behaving and intelligence, nobody is willing to trifle with us and daring enough to handle us. this is why so little is really known about us.

being socially awkward
this is what separates a geek from a nerd. a nerd has this extra feature of being socially inept despite their ability to achieve usually unattainable heights in their obsessive hobby. its no surprise since you spend most of your time on your nonsocial hobby, you don't have much time left to socialise. not that you have poor time management, it is just that you are reluctant to be spared a few moments with your friends at the cost of your hobby. that saying if you even have un-nerdy friend in the first place. you know how people of similar character come together as a clique. a nerd have a high tendency to attract a like-minded nerd. if that is the case, you don't have to worry about entertaining anybody at all cause your nerdy friend(s) would probably just stay at home like you. however since we are human, we probably need some form of communication to let people know we are still alive. this communication tool would probably be some online instant messenger. still remember the horrible experience when you blush after talking with your friend face to face, you won't want that to happen again right? due to this fact, most of the people would label you as a weirdo and loner. well, they don't really understand you, neither do they know about your undying passion. it just so un-nerd to be passing judgment (in a bitchy nerd tone).

if after reading this post, you actually discover that you fit the bill, don't panic. nerd is the new cool for you. and you definitely know where you could find similarly nerdy friends. it is normal to feel unsettled initially cause this is a major change and change is never comfortable. however i assure you that you will grow to be proud of your newly found identity (:

pls read
disclaimer: congratulations you just wasted your time reading bullshit. and i don't like to use msn cause i am an unattractive ultimate conversation stopper. thats not the point. the point is i really take great pleasure in writing such stuff despite the torment and possible brain damage due to the lingering in the nonsensical part of the brain for a prolonged period of time. in fact some of my previous blog posts don't have any significant meaning (even if they don't seem so), they are just chain of words that appear in my brain. though so, there is still one undeniably truth in this post that is - i am a decent, homely, obsessive and possessive (with regards to stitch) nerd (:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain

sometimes people around my age look at me with the eyes of the adults back at cdac. c'mon, you don't have to be a kid to play, just the love to play.

Friday, January 8, 2010

the time it takes to fall

- Dan Rodriguez inspired by (great blog with beautiful words. though i find myself totally clueless on some of its posts.)

im ok.
even if i have to give up all just to be here.
even if i am crying here alone.
even if u are here just to trample on my heart.

im ok if you be.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

resolution 01b

just some pictures i took when i was sorting out my cupboard.

crazy. maybe. random. yes. stitch is cute. definitely!

and my oldest stitch.
i wonder if you still remember? feel so stuck in time.

i am like turning into some old ah ma who always think once upon a nong nong time.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The test of time

So many words left unspoken,
So many actions left undone.
This thing call time
Is a cruelty
To those who deny it.

Today we might stand young and strong,
In the face of this fork in the road.
Another chapter of our life,
The beginning that lays a curious soul.
Though so, all hope that time will not turn it into a weary man.

May you choose well.
May you find joy in every endeavors.
Remember there are choices
For the path to be sought
And the dream to be pursued.

For this goodbye is different.
It marks the end, but
Hope shall be that it is never farewell.
If this separation is an acre of heartbreak,
Then the memories will bring me a whole plot of joy.

Beyond the horizon,
My name that symbolizes.
Stay I will not,
But remember I shall,
The friends of my life.

We are not alone.
The road, if you could see,
Has been filled with friendly faces
And will continue to be so.
We just got to remember.

Remember the smile that
Brings the friend out of a stranger.
Remember the mirth.
Remember me, my friend,
For I will continue to do so.

But now its time,
The countdown has began.
Fate might chance upon us again.
Path might cross, distance away from this land.
Till then, its goodbye, goodbye my friend.


Sunday, January 3, 2010

resolution 01

besides planning for my revolution, i have also made some resolutions for this year. first one to get checked off the list is decluttering of my belongings. (in which my standard of decluttering is whatever can't be seen can't be considered as clutter) my mom is so glad to come back home seeing that i am actually packing my cupboard. i suspect one of her resolutions is to nag me till i clean my stuff. this theory is not without any basis. evidence below:

mother: hey, i saw your stack of notes in the recycling bag the other day. don't you have to study?
me: neh. no worries. internet is able to provide those information.
mother: ok. if you say so. then what about those junk in your cupboard. when are you going to tidy up? you seldom use them too right?
me: no way! they are in every way more useful than those notes that i just threw away. even if i don't use them, they serve as decors for my otherwise plain cupboard!
mother: ...

back to my resolution, i thrash most of my neoprints. seriously i don't know whats in my mind when i take them. everybody looks so tiny in it, just make the faces seem squishy. not to mention, everybody seems to be fighting for a space of less than my fingernail. pathetic. also, it is a total waste of $$. think long term, say fifty years, i bet i can't see anything in it. camera is way way better invention and i don't have the habit of looking at people photos hidden in the wallet when i bored so might as well get rid of them now. and lots of papers and some useless bulky ornaments got into the company.

i realise something, i am actually a card person. though i think i have never really made a decent card for anybody, i have been keeping the cards of various festivals. looking at them make me feel good, for some unknown reason. maybe i should go back and contact those people, put it in my list of resolution. anyway, this is how the cards look like:


the weirdest card i receive. you would never have guess what it is for.


memories. giving ppl nicknames. love the handwriting.

and some other ancient things that i manage to dig out.

for starters. some praising won't do harm right (:
sec 3

sec 4

and that is as far as the praising goes. sadly.
pri 1

pri 3

pri 4

sec 1

and the ultimate:
pri 3. note the word use. EXTREMELY.

yea. just the word to describe me. extreme. maybe not but oh well. those were the days.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

the fucking train

"i cannot find the fucking train" the guy walking pass me was whining over the phone. if i were the one at the other end of the call, i would have replied, "yea, sure. i can even help you to find an orgasmic train, a masturbating train or an ejaculating train."

"fuck the teacher la" an irritated student complained. "wow. i didn't know that you have such a quirky sexual orientation. you get aroused by people who failed your maths?" i clarified. "..." speechless

its amusing how people use vulgarities just for the sake of using it. maybe i the last person on earth to find it funny. oh well. and i definitely don't get why some people have the incessant need to make a reference to one sexual organs or parents. just want to say thanks for the concern, they are fine.

last day of 2009 - Asian Civilisation Museum for countdown.
first day of 2010 - Sherlin's house. and on the way, a really weird guy sat beside us in the back row when there are ample seats at the other part of the bus. love the salmon sashimi. national museum.

the 20th year of my life. looking back, 19 years aren't very long, yet it is of a considerable amount.

the teachers of my life. no, not just the one constraint to the classrooms. the threads of events that interweave to show me who i really am. i believe everything, no matter how minute they are, happen for a reason. through every incident, a connection was established, be it a reverberation or just ripples on the surface of the water. and the connections form a network. and the network becomes my playground, my universe, my everything - it is me.

preparing myself for the 2010 REVOLUTION :D

" The only calibration that counts is how much heart people invest, how much they ignore their fears of being hurt or caught out or humiliated...and the only thing people regret is that they didn't live boldly enough, that they didn't invest enough heart, didn't love enough. Nothing else really counts at all."

- Ted Hughes