Sunday, November 28, 2010


dear me,

Remember those days? those days when we could stay charged up the whole day. those were the days of invincibility. when we could do whatever we wanted. i can't get it anymore. my once ago passion has been sapping me dry now i don't feel whole anymore. all i wanted was for march to come quickly again.

dear me, i've been called defiant and unfilial too one time too much. does your dream cause you so much? i don't know about your judgment but i still think it is worth it. next year is the year of harvest and too those of the insult. let me take a break so that i could continue holding me up. i couldn't afford anyone putting me together. i don't want part of my heart to be so far away from me anymore.

dear me, how could i loathe and love myself so much. what paradox. fetch me from faraway.

crestfallen me

Friday, November 26, 2010

life's motto

life's great affair is to keep moving.

steal my breath. i will live for that moment.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Malinger: (v) to avoid work by pretending to be ill

Phantasmagoria: (n) a confused, changing strange scene like something from a dream

Martinet: (n) someone who is very strict and makes people obey rules exactly

Jaunt: (n) a short journey for pleasure

Maelstrom: (n) 1. a situation full of uncontrollable events or strong emotions that make people feel weak or frightened 2. a violent storm 

Ignoramus: (n) someone who does not know about things that most people know about

Ignoble: (adj) ignoble thoughts, feelings, or actions are ones that you should feel ashamed or embarrassed about

Cavalier:: (adj) not caring or thinking about other people's feeling

Somnambulist: (noun) someone who walks while they are asleep

Viscous: (adj) a viscous liquid is thick and sticky and does not flow easily

food (or cash) for thought

"Recently the Singapore Straits Times reported proudly : “SINGAPORE ranks fourth globally and second in Asia Pacific in terms of average personal wealth, according to the inaugural global wealth report by Credit Suisse Research.
Average wealth per adult in Singapore has grown strongly in the last decade, rising from US$105,000 (S$137,100) per adult to over US$250,000 in 2010, supported by a period of strong domestic economic growth and asset price increases.”(Oct 8th).
The caption, is to my mind, misleading, while the skimpy ST report conveniently ignores more vital information in the Credit Suisse Report about Singapore.
What the state media didn’t tell was the report mentions that only 3.6% of the surveyed population (4 million Singaporeans &PRs) are wealthy, owning more than a half million dollars, while 2.4% have USD1000 or less. The majority (55%) have wealth between USD10,000 and 100,000 (obviously owning HDB flats), and another 23% whose wealth is estimated at between USD1,000 and 10,000. About 16% fall between USD100,000 and 588,000. So the million dollar question is – which Singaporeans are 2nd richest in Asia and 4th richest in the world?
For the record, Singapore’s median wealth per adult, which is a more meaningful measure, actually stands at just US$30,092. That means half the population has USD 30,000 or less as household wealth. This is a huge difference from the average wealth figure. People at the top end of the wealth average have so much wealth that it skews the average to almost ten times the median. Most other countries do not have such bad skewing, including US (whose average is 5x its median), India (3.8x), France (3.8x), Indonesia (3.6x), Taiwan (3.1x), UK (2.9x), China (2.7x), Australia (2.6x), Canada (2.4x) and Japan (2x).
Further, if we consider the fact that most Singaporeans would have a sizeable amount of their savings in their CPF, the median disposable wealth per adult would be significantly lower.
It is interesting to note that in contrast to classical financial institutions’ definition, of wealth as the amount of “investable assets”, Credit Suisse defines wealth as the value of financial assets plus non-financial assets (principally housing) owned by individuals less their debts. Based on this definition to start with, can the majority of Singaporeans really claim to be “wealthy” when even the HDB flat we live in is only leased to us and most lessees have a mortgage to pay for the greater part of their life.
The study states that household wealth in Singapore grew steadily and vigorously during the past decade, rising from USD 105,000 at the outset to more than USD 250,000 at the end. Interestingly, this increase was due to domestic growth and asset price increases. But wait. How did our “assets” grow in value? That too, exponentially? Remember the selective statistics used to show that HDB flats were affordable? According to the Credit Suisse report, just over 20 per cent of the adult population in Singapore has over US$100,000 in financial and non-financial assets.
Another interesting fact about the study is its analyses are based on adult populations. The report puts the total number of adults in Singapore at four million. Unfortunately the numbers don’t tally. There are not that many adult Singaporeans, according to Singstat. The latest figures indicate that Singapore’s total resident population of citizens and permanent residents, aged 15 and up, is 3,117,300.
Now coming back to median wealth in Singapore. Where do we stand in world rankings? The median wealth is higher in at least 25 countries. Here they are: Singapore is at the bottom of this table


-- Singapore 2nd richest in Asia?, The Temasek Review

well said. see how screwed our economy is and how ridiculous the disparity is? could you explain why are we suppressed to the poor cycle while the rich get humongous rich? aren't we suppose to be the first world country whereby our rich-poor ratio shouldn't be in such exaggerating figures? somehow i feel "our assets" are making us poor, tying us down to our country and being cash-strap while looking superficially rich to other countries? educated finance student pls enlighten me. (no sarcasm intended)

no wonder ppl have to work till they die. cause all our money seemingly goes to the faggot-ly rich and powerful. i don't know but this model seems to me like an singapore economy is an epitome of how the first class countries are making use of the cheap labour of the third world to gain loads of profits while depriving them of what they deserve for their hard work. just that both the first class citizens and third world dweller exist in the very same plane. mcdonalds in singapore is one such "country".
stars are out.
its midnight, so look to the first star and make a wish~

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


blood clouds hanging low just like the crimson arrows arching from their bow.
the street lights draw elongated shadows on both sides.
the pavement dead in the silent dusk
and this is the routine i run through everyday.
being alone, being so close to myself.
as i stretched and stretched throughout each day,
more and more towards the tipping point i am.
for a place where i once loved and made sacrifices for.
its an irony after all.
how tiresome and how loathsome to be me now.
but who else could i be except for the one i choose to be.
if you see me mourning, stop and ask, for i will tell the story i so hide.
'this is a square inch for someone who left me be.
for she was murdered brutally and Lord creates all ugly things.'
you probbed, 'who is she murdered by and how'
for this, i will answer, 'oh, what tragedy, she was slaughtered by mass media with their unspoken conformist laws.
i will then proceed to exhume the grave, inside you shall see, a wooden box just of a square inch lying snugly in the hole.
you watch me in disbeleief at the tomb.
let me explain all this, 'it is me who did the ritual for myself.
in the box lies my photo, my soul. part of me is dead. breaking into dust and drifting with the wind. till someone pick up the noble dream and live it well for me.
for now, i will set on a journey to replace me, to feel whole again.
don't be disgrace by me. for this is what i sought. i couldn't stay for this is who i am born to be.
apologies for the valleys of disappointment. i, too,
am learning to be myself.
well and healthy, fit and young, this conquest won't stop.
it shan't end this way.

rain and shine, who will be there throughout?

i want to think that everything is fine throughout, that i could go on like that, that everything is in perfect balance, that i got what i wanted. maybe, 6 months ago, all was well and fine but now it couldn't stay the same anymore. how could it be when i am growing every single day and things are still the way they are. its not that i don't love them anymore, i still do. just that what they say about love isn't entirely true. reality catches up one day and you realise you have cause such great disappointment to the ones you have love all the while. this isn't fair for them. i could reason that it is not fair for me either. why should i let them dictate my life? but truth is every decision has their woes. i couldn't satisfy everybody. for me, i am different, way different. even if i don't have their genes, i still have their blood. each inch of flesh and skin, every touch and feel don't belong wholly to me. for the whole song of their lives, they have dedicated it to me. i couldn't be so selfish. i want to be heartless this very much. i want to go and don't run back. i want to take flight towards my dream. but truth is, i still owe them. no matter which part of the earth i flee to, there still be a part of me calling out to them. even if it is just out of the sheer drudgery of responsibility, i wouldn't be able to flee from it. this is what is encoded in my heritage. i couldn't shun. this, i have to embrace the truth that they keep throwing onto me. consensus have to be made but fear not for i won't betray my soul. they think what i do is useless, but even a cent is worth something. i won't halt my heels, for it doesn't justify for it. instead i just change my course. i will break it now, let them learn the truth soon enough. i will see who i am soon enough.

nothing is definite

Friday, November 19, 2010

butterfly snow globe

butterfly snow globe. i wonder what it means?

Thursday, November 18, 2010

choo choo out.

joy to the passion. however truth shatters it when all set to the disfigurement of history.

there is no concealing of disappointment as all was brought to surface. 'didn't i tell you this will happen?' come forth to me. for now, civilization is a place where nothing lives forever. no one man, no one act, no one thing wouldn't suffer the fate of time.

i have lose all hope but nature says to me, 'don't be despair cause love is what matters.'

it then goes on 'let me show you through the miracles of my making that there is abundance of joy in your this limited lifespan. hearken, for i use the language of old love. there is no other time too great except the time of yours. i have painstakingly created an unique you. listen within and find your passion. feel the waves of your curves taking flight in the fluidity of this world. take care that you could for i have blessed each and every of you. don't feel desolate and think that i have abandon you when things don't seem right. my love for you come in two halves -one of the blooming, the other of the dying- so as to make everything a whole. this isn't a romance story you could grapple but take heart and have faith in yourself. you are the one i have loved and pardon my love if at time it is cruel. truth is it is necessity at work. they are all here for your growth. do not lament for any of your loss but learn well the lessons we render'


things just go away so quickly after they are devalue. i just hope state land doesn't mean waste land.

Monday, November 15, 2010

its too much.

how could you, when we put our trust on your knowledge. you didn't abide by the ethics that you took an oath for. you didn't do what you could. a life so small just didn't matter to you isn't it. its just like a replica of the dozens over that you see on the street. but you are cruel even if you head the morally sound. you couldn't drop your ego, the burden of your ignorance. just let it be. your pretense of concern. drop it. we could see through your reluctance when you pass the death verdict. just a bit of this sweet tonic could revive his weakest link. that is all he needed, yet you are such an adroit illusionist. there's no hope, i seen this scene one too many a time, when he got to go, he got to go, don't let him suffer any more, you comforted us. its just like us human to hasten what the nature bring, to accelerate the outcome. so much for that. you disappoint us all.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

voices of animals

Friday, November 12, 2010

the curious and curious-est.

i once heard a story so curious its atrocious not to share. For this revolves around two interesting creatures, a ferret and a squirrel.

on this curious day, cry the ferret, 'oh my little brother, what Time has done? you are so weathered in bruises, i shan't let harm come your way anymore.'

just as he ended his monologue, he fell asleep, hugging his little brother close, for fear of evil creeping close to it. it was then, this squirrel, notoriously known as skittles, aptly named for his boundless energy and mischief, stood close by.

'i shall live up to my name,' the squirrel thought aloud, spreading a contemptuous glance across his face.

now, now, now, everybody knows the ferret treasured his little brother so and all heard of how easily the little brother had been victimized. this will be an easy strike, the squirrel contemplated. and there he went, for a body so small, the squirrel packed a fierce bite upfront. this strike off the sleepiness of the dear ferret. screams and shrieks from the ferret only enhances the perverseness of the squirrel, who hanged tight with the excitement of a sword unsheathed close to the neck. it almost caused fatality had not the ferret's little brother wriggle from his vindictive holder.

hearing trouble, the squirrel lightning away, for his four limbs were blessed by the mischief god to flee from all the scenes of devilry. the sweet little ferret was too in no mood for vengeance.

he simply stood there, clutching his little brother's head so close, lamenting, 'oh Time, what cruelty you are, you played us out too a-many time yet we never have defied you. to slacken the grip you must. come see for yourself, my little brother's head so covered in scarlet, the trace of your vicious claws. you must not take him away, your generosity i will praise for generations to come. however, if you were of a cruel nature, i will not take any more allowance from you.'

Time is a nihilist, for there is nothing to Time that could exist perpetually and consistently like Time itself. its the ultimate machinery that nobody could fight, one could deceive oneself of the flow of Time but never deceive Time itself. Time never hasten, never pause, it goes and goes till the end of world.

still, Time will answer those who question about the nature of Time, 'oh little one, could you not see that i have work of higher importance than the one you are carrying? his time is not up but be warned that when he is to go, so will it be for you. this is no less and no more than you wish for. and know that it is not the wrath of time that shattered your soul but merely the work of it. for time knows no emotions. it could not feel thus it couldn't be merciful or merciless. this is the important lesson of time. learn it well, my young one, for i have persisted decades and still be misunderstood. know that Time is just, i distribute myself fairly and accordingly among all creatures, big and small, everyday, light and night. don't have woes of me when your Time is up, for it is really you who do not cherish the gift i have lavished and illusioned that you could outlive me. know this well and learn it by heart for this is the story you will live to tell.'

so, this is the tale that i heard from the ferret himself.

alright, i am writing nonsense again. don't know whats up with me this few days but this story is really inspired by a true story. i swear!

i guess too much of arabian nights and alice in wonderland in my mind!

Thursday, November 11, 2010


imagine a less-than fingernail size penis getting bitten by a squirrel when asleep. ouch!

不要拿书包. weeping. but still couldn't get the basic idea through. so sad. she's even in her diapers. this goes to show how our education system sux. its not fun at all!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

rattle. ignore me.

an empty eye socket,
oh what terror it brings.
the hollow walls and
cover collapsing.

the empty eye socket
to goosebump the seer.
cause you can't see,
no you can't see.

like the feral cat brought into walls,
and the homely set free.
what perplexity it faces,
to face a world so magnified
or so shrunken,
pushing the border of
knowledge of their world.

what confusion it strikes,
not but an empty eye socket.

i want to take off on a shooting star with the feather of an effort.

Monday, November 8, 2010

word. lie. truth.

forgiveness and repentance

today i was taught a lesson
the world we grew up in
is a world of twisted fact
not many value the truth
but treasure those who meant what they speak

this is a world of distorted words
so just hold your tongue
and hear me out
i want to speak the truth
but it bothers me so.
because promises choose to bury it with lies

but now, starting from today,
there will be no more masquerade
let there be emotions so raw, it seared
through the heart
and tears, the exultation of feelings,
not signs of weaknesses
you taught me well and there it is, me
growing strong and well indeed.

still, they ask, what use of words for words so wronged,
language borders, dialogue
causes agony and speech creates war
words become lies too a-many for one to take.
but they are too the art of heart, the way
to others. the true gold when one wield it
not as a sword but a tool of

today i learn a lesson. you taught me well.

someday, i will find a spot that belongs to me. all mine. i can do whatever i want with no one to judge me. i could dance like a ferret, spin like a wheel, scream like a hysteric, over and over till i collapse. nobody there to see myself except for the sun and the moon to be my soul companion.

Sunday, November 7, 2010


the squid-man, they call
them, the people with their ink.
their canvas stretch and sink
with the melody of the skin.
dogma thrives but not every case true.
for each paints its own story
and their personality,
should it be
uncouth, could it be regrets, may it
even be joy.
which is which, it takes time to see
but only when our arrogance falls.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

random thoughts

I am consumed by the gargoyle bravery.
Sinfully, Adamantly, Lackadaisically and Paradoxically,
Like the
Gypsyful town that do no good
within walls.
The evil priest that
preaches righteousness
The lightful night that got
shattered by fiery war
The ingrate savior
The innocent spy
The knight in hideous hide
The beauty and the beast
So and so much more
True ugliness reside in one resentful heart
But Beauty thrives microscopically

-thoughts on notre dame. haha. though i don't really understand what i am trying to say. but words just flow out.

when a dew drops on its ninety-ninth,
would it still not ponder about
the way of life.
to be a dew, for what its worth
its short period on earth.
only seen at dawn when even
birds have yet to stirred

if you ask a dew for what its worth
the mystical and persistent
it might say the way of life is carried
forth by the simplest term
and that is all is worth.


when thought wasn't given to the science of night.
moonlight, twilight, dusk and dawn
which of them hold the darkest secret of them all?
which of them hide shadows
lurking and corners vanishing?
operations of the night,
stealthily and cunningly,
someone stole her body,
and stow it awry.
even till today, she doesn't
belong for her mind reside
somewhere in that night.

somebody propose at the zoo today. so sweet.

Friday, November 5, 2010

stuck in my head