Wednesday, December 15, 2010

its a lifetime of choices

life. time. most of them said i'm wasting it. wasting it by working at the zoo for more than half a year. wasting it by not settling down with a "decent" job. wasting it like i have been those apathetic kids getting high on pot.

do they truly know what it means when it comes to wasting life? i tell you what i know by wasting life. you are wasting life by getting stuck in doing things that you utterly hate and see no delight or passion in the outcome. you are wasting life by being a couch potato, stuck to those tv advertisement that assure you that you could get a perfect body down popping some pills and continue slouching in you couch. wasting it means you swear by your resolution each year and continue being stuck to the endless loops of incessant drama that goes by the hollywood formula. wasting life means knowing that you are stuck and doing nothing about it.

no. i don't want to be that big-fat-fugly-bottom heavy-hideous-caffeine driven-sleep deprived-long expired life monstrosity on a top chair. it just doesn't justify to trade my life for thirty years of slogging. i don't know about you but i'm sure my life don't come cheap. 9 months of development. 20 years of growth. and still counting. surely you can't delude me to think that its alright to down value and down play my life once i reach 20 because that is how the society dictates.

you just gonna make it sounds like i am some irresponsible brat that doesn't spare a thought to others, having no notion the things that i am advocating whatsoever. no denial, you guys all do, i can hear it through the condescending tone in your voice. you can pretend to be high and noble around me all you want, like i'm the delinquent here waiting for life judgment. yes, i make mistakes throughout my whole life, i break a bone, break a heart, got myself into pieces. admit it, who doesn't have issues with the choices they made or affairs of life? we are of a heart beating in a soulful capsule. we can't deny our multi-faceted personality. being one this day, acting the other for another situation. for survival its necessary.

you can mark me down for all you want, if it makes you feel better when i am gone. if you don't celebrate my cause, then why should i bother my life with you? many times, i think it is better to let things go then to maintain a relationship turns sour. it tires both parties.

i'm sorry but this time i am really going. there is nothing that would stop me now. i don't need a permission slip and i am not looking for your approval. even though i will be elated to have your blessings and best wishes, everything will still go on fine without it. i will pack my self and leave my burden here. no i will throw my burden away and unpacked my life somewhere. this is just me and who i choose to be, i can only be me, myself. i can't live as an imaginary me that you have expected. people do change, you guys just have to accept and embrace it.

life.time. i gonna have the time of my life.
all i want for x'mas is a dslr!
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