Saturday, December 4, 2010

being average in my life

i feel like if i were to break down, nobody will care, a lot of time, too many times. i know i am probably wrong because if i were to break down, that is when everyone starts to care. just take a look at any wake, there are so many people. the deceased must be real popular when he/she is alive isn't it? when i can't even count up to 20 for my group of close friends.

i feel like i am lying in a coffin, stifled in pity and tears of others. i want to lay down the strong threshold of my soul, even if it just for a while. let the emotions flood through, so i could shriek hysterically in agony or rend in bereavement or giggling to tears. i want to do all those because it is exhausting from all those resistance.

when i look at others, it seems to me they need no guidance or whatsoever. true, they might not know what they want in life but they seems to have no qualms about living life like that, following the flow, easy does it. even the hardest moment isn't dark matter in the head. make no doubt, i'm talking about school. they could never go wrong with that isn't it? that's what i see.

people retorted, you know nothing about university life, all the failures and disappointment. exams, the ultimate source of the dispirited. it is a daunting event, years or months of study for that one shot, so as to have a distinct line cutting through the creme of the crop and the more average than average students. its their holy grail, being the best, staying up the top. afterall, there is no significant place on earth for the average. they didn't pay huge sum of money and be in debt to be average. most of them didn't but i did.

during primary school, i got a score barely qualified for special courses but opted for an average neighbourhood school. i went on to graduate from this school with 7 'A's but went over to polytechnic. (guess that what most people then see it as the lower option). average average.

during my poly life, i was not even close to the top 30%, let alone 10%. honestly i don't know where i stand among my cohort as we don't get to see our ranking, unlike in primary and secondary school. i was never out of the top 10% till i reach poly. mark my words, never. i was the brilliant student, better than the average but hovering under the top. still, i was never given the limelight, you could say i was just an average.

till poly, i couldn't be more average than i am ever was. throughout. i got no good result, no magnificent CCA records, no high rank held. i am your kind of more average than average poly students. however, being average doesn't grant me indemnity from those bout of worries, meeting deadlines, exams, class tests; thoughts about lunch, surviving a boring lesson, to play or to study during study week and what to eat during lecture. i nailed it down, not the way people want me to and still manage to have lotsa fun.

they all said poly is not even a prelude to university education, its hell and heaven. perhaps, a lot of them make a wake up call to be diligent. no more toying around unless good grades are secured. hopefully they know what they are doing in life and not just making the best out of the worst case scenarios. i can't argue if the student genuinely love what they are studying. i still seeing otherwise, thats why i still think education is a necessary un-necessity. oxymoron. thats education for you.

education is a good idea, all of us should be educated. i can't foresee where we will be without it; hollow souls and pipe dreams. the thing is, the curriculum and the whole concept about "holistic" education, it is bullshit. the educators polish our brain smooth to coat our belief that academic results are most essential to be successful. thats why we couldn't even take a bump.

look back and see how many things you should and want to know but the school didn't proffer. for me, i want to learn flute, drawing, creating a website, more about nature and many many more. you could argue that all these are taught in school but still, they don't come in a bundle in those conventional school.

so much for student life. for now, i am lingering at crossroad, not being decisive enough to cut off from my current situation so as to move towards a money making solution. maybe with higher level of education, i'll be able to make a more informed decision. thats what they think right? the higher the level of education, the more you should know.

so for the students out there burying their head in the sea of books till godforsaken time, i hope you know exactly what you are pursuing.
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  1. well, i read your site. i believe it is a wondrous picture of education. focus on "physical, cognitive, intellectual, artistic, psychological, emotional and moral or 'spiritual'" and i truly hope that would happen. i can't help but feel it bear a huge resemblance to the one depicted in "Toto-chan". it was indeed a great school that every student enjoyed.

    the "holistic" education i am referring to here is the one profess by singapore (the country i reside in and painfully suffer through 13 years of education) ministry of education. basically our education system is still steer towards academic, if you don't excel in your results, you are nothing. there are exceptional cases, like people who are exceptional sportsman that would bring glory to the nation and arts academy. of course at the age of 16, i still don't see that as an option as i have never deal with any arts stuff, now if i were to go back, i probably give it a shot.

    this article is to emphasis that being an average student doesn't grant you any other developments unless sought out yourself. granted your parents are willing to sponsor you, the poorest of them all, a mere average student.

    one thing i wish to add, top students are still occupying the accounting part of university, whereas arts and social science is not that much in demand. and most of my friends, probably just a small pool, is gear towards the traditional way of earning money, office, usually accounting.

    its not all lost, as singapore continues to search for alternative means of education. just recently some of the school made away with exams for those in primary one and two.

    but i believe we still have a long way to go. as it essentially take a revolution or many decades of evolution for something as pure as a holistic education to take place here.