no matter what, i will subsist

sometimes, i think ppl will accept me more easily if i were not who i am today. there will definitely be lesser conflict but does that justify for a change?

the voices drone on in my head: be more ladylike, get a decent job - office style, go for university straight after graduation, go overseas with a tour group, stop bbq-ing my skin, speak softly and the list just goes on. you see how much i have to change if i were to satisfy everybody. i am different and i have changed, ceased to exist as that wimp. so? does that make me a stranger to you?

honestly, will it make everybody happy if i were to fit in the "norm"? and the main point is, does it hurt your every bone to see me behaving the way i am? if not, why are you so insistent in destroying me by moulding all of me into that minature casket?

==================================
you might know the answers but you don't know me.


i should be studying. sian..
and i probably spend too much time blogging. yea. no life. whee~

the monochrome rainbow

whatever is happening in that metal box is not your life. did it not occur to you, that you are not getting those content in your life should all you do is to be awed by that little box for the whole day? you have reached a stage of obsession in those make-believe lives of another man that is written by certain men-gods, who define every act and every speech and you worship them so. so much that, you set up a time altar for them, one after another.

i come to remind you that in your life, no man a god. so why do you still fantasize that someone would be able to write the script of your life just the way you want it? this is the real world, you are the hand that writes your act and all the words that you know are: to allow the real life to slip away every second and squander it on the transformation of the million of pixels in that metal box. every page has got no twist. if your play ever made it to the screen, you will be weeping for the death of your life thats so filled with boredom and predictability.

well, don't get all teary. you do have one commendable point, you do your role perfectly, just the way i have written in my play; one of the many whose life is as still as the powerless metal box that i don't even bother myself with anymore.



=====================================
3 more days, all will come to an end. gonna get some cheap thrill from tearing up the books like a madman at home. (and i will probably see another madman screaming at me, what in the hell am i doing.) yea.

can't wait for march. all the gatherings. and april. start work (((:

the domino effect

you told me i should choose this path, so that i could utilize my years of education, so that i could be swimming in riches in years to come, so that i will be well-liked by everybody else, so that i could be part of everybody else and live like everybody else, so that everybody else will tell me that i am doing the right thing and getting the best out of my life, so that everybody else voices are drowning out my screams, so that nobody else could hear my call for help to pull me out of this path - the well packaged sugar-coated lie - quickest to self destruction.

============================================
but you miss out on one point: everybody else is not me, neither are you.

the stage of boredom

why is it that i am able to remember words that i spend 15 minutes memorising few days ago but fail to absorb anything from the BCM i read a few seconds ago T.T

the cat has turned away

she walks away and sits stonely in one corner. now, she just wants to be left alone. probably the trust have been depleted. the harsh treatment received by the critical, the inconsiderate act by the impertinent ones. maybe she is exhausted from running away, maybe she is depressed from all those disappointment. in days to come, i hope she will be alright.

u call this a study break?

hectic week. 4 days of steamboat. from eve to the third day of CNY.
third day went to museum.
fourth day went to SPCA in the morning and after that zoo for interview. and yes! i got in.
fifth day, which is today went to SPCA again. volunteers over there are really cool~ fun to talk to. and thurs SPCA is not open to visitors so we spend our time slacking around. but the staff over there disapprove of our resting strategy thus she find more work for us and chase us away at 1. theres additional family members, kittens!! so adorable (: somebody please adopt them. don't let them grow old in SPCA. not saying that it is not a great place. in fact, lots of people are there to care for and love them. but admit it, it is stifling to be living in a cage, behind those bars. cats are meant to wander around. you can never guess how much one heart cringes when you see them just staring out to the open field opposite SPCA. you know they want to get out but couldn't do much except to hope that some other kind and responsible soul will pick them up. on the way home, saw a group of boys bullying my fav cat. damn them. they should be so grateful that i only tell them to stop bullying the cat. of course they ran off. kids like that could only bully the trusting and defenceless. anybody bigger than them or with more authority or more assertive, they are scared, frightened like a wet kitten, without the scratches and bite of course. they don't even dare.
alright, got to study, haven't been studying. i haven't even touch the book yet. such a spoiler.

ok. not my usual kind of post. but my brain cells are sleeping now. been waking up at 6 these 2 days.

can i sleep?

Preserving the Body

" The aim of mummification was not to preserve a person's body as it had been in life, but to create a new body that could last for eternity. The body was taken to the ibu or Tent of Purification, to be washed in a solution of natron in water to delay decomposition. Embalming took place at or near the tomb. First, the internal organs were removed. The brain was extracted via nose and discarded. Other organs were removed through an incision in the left flank and set aside; often these were interred separately in special Canopic containers. The heart remained, as it would be important in the judgment of the dead before the gods. The body was then dried out by filling the torso with bags of natron and by covering the entire body with loose natron for 35 to 40 days.

After drying the skull and chest cavities were filled. During the 21st Dynasty, the liver, lungs, stomach and intestines were replaced inside the body, wrapped in separate linen packages. As the body would have lost virtually all its fat, leaving the skin loose and wrinkled, sand, linen or mud might be inserted under the skin to restore the shrunken features.

Resin was applied to the surface of the body to exclude moisture and perhaps confer divine status on the dead. Before wrapping artificial eyes, finger and toe covers of gold or silver were put on. During the wrapping, amulets, jewellery and sometimes a rolled funerary papyrus were placed on the body. As the mummy was wrapped in linen cloth, prayers and magical spells were recited."

-- Eygptian exihibition